LOVESMUKIWA

So much has happened, culminating in a visit to the ER!

2012-02-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since we spent a day in the emergency room but our track record ended yesterday when CJ fell through a window pane and cut his knee badly.
He was outside and in his Ski pants AND pants and was cut through both of them. My poor little guy was a real trouper though. AS we sat in the hospital waiting for the doctor he played games on my phone. He REALLY wants a motorcycle, but the time to try and convince Shel of that was NOT while we were waiting to get him stitched up!
I must say that the WORST part of parenting has to be seeing your kids in pain. I held him while the doc was putting in the freezing and he SCREAMED. He was looking at me with these HUGE crocodile tears streaming down his face. I was just holding him saying "Sorry buddy, sorry buddy, it will stop hurting soon."
This morning he said his knee was "good" and Max was following him around telling him not to run, so he will be well looked after these next two weeks as we wait for stitches to be removed.

making a rink

2012-02-01T18:25:00.001-07:00

It's shameful I know, we live in the Great White North and our boys don't know how to skate. Give me SOME slack - neither Shel nor I skate either!

We have in our yard a dugout. A perfect place to teach the boys to skate. It does take some work to maintain an outdoor rink though you know. It isn't as easy as opening a tap and letting water flood the yard. (and I dont know how people do that anyway, I am terrified of pipes freezing)

I decided this year that I need to teach the boys how to skate and since we have our own pond we have the perfect opportunity to do it right in our own yard.

When I got home from work the other evening I thought we would clear off a spot and then this weekend get some skates for the boys. Clearing a spot would have been made easier if I had two things - a shovel for myself (we have one shovel but Max is apparently the "boss" of it and so he would not let me shovel more than one row at a time) and easier access to some water - because even a pond does not have perfect ice beneath the snow. I have a feeling I will know more about pond ice by the end of the winter than I ever thought I would know.

The weather has has been REALLY mild lately, so I also hope it stays cold enough to get some skating done before the ice melts.

family photo day

2012-01-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

It is shameful but true, we have no family photos of us all together since CJ was born. We have planned for it, and in the life I dreamed for myself we had family photos often and they are all cool and fun and funky. In real life it is rare that all four of us make it into one frame all at the same time. It is even HARDER now because apparently at age five Max is TOO COOL to pose for a photo at all, let alone WITH people.

My mom is headed to Africa this week. She and her sisters will be visiting family in South Africa at the end of their humanitarian trip and they have put together a family tree - with a photo - of everyone on my grandmothers side of the family for my grand mothers brother. My mom took a photo of it and sent it to us and I was looking at it on my phone (its VERY COOL) and noticed that the pictures of MAx and CJ were actually just CJ. Once as a baby and one recent. I called my mom to make the change asap and we went into rapid fire photo and emailing sessions. I took a photo of Max and it was too big, so took another and sent that. Then she asked for a family photo (which we don't have) so we sat on the floor in our living room and had Max's friend who was staying over take photos with Shel's i-phone. We had to get him to take about 12 - some had people cut off and others were blurry and in the end we got two nice ones. This one I just posted is a little blurry, but it is a photo of all of us! It is nice to have one and we have now resolved to actually MAKE (and keep) an appointment with a photographer to get some nice family photos.

remind me why we do this again?

2012-01-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend we had a foster girl from another foster home come to us for respite. We are STILL not "open" as a foster home, but respite providers do not have to be open foster homes. The little girl is a one year old who is cute as a button but TOTALLY different from our boys. She is quiet! She slept through the night! She is adorable and in love with the boys and they are just as "taken" with her.

Here's the thing with fostering. It is a HUGE PAIN! Don't get me wrong. I have loved the children who have come into our home. We have given our hearts and souls to the kids who have spent time with us and it has been a real heartbreaker. It has been impossible for us to "separate" ourselves from caring for the physical needs of the kids and keeping our hearts out of the equation.

BUT (here it comes).. There is SOOOOO much political GARBAGE that comes with the territory. For instance. The request for us to provide respite for the weekend came in a message to Shel on facebook from the other foster mother. She requested two nights respite from Friday to Sunday evening. The next thing that happens is Shel got a call from someone (I am not clear on who it was, I think the social worker) requesting directions to the house and letting her know the baby was coming on Thursday from an appointment. When the baby arrived on Thursday Shel was informed that she would be picking up the baby on TUESDAY for another appointment but this way it decreased the amount of times the baby would be "shuffled" between homes. You know, I get it. I don't think kids should be shuffled. The lack of communication DRIVES ME INSANE. After Shel get's all the details from the worker she gets a text from the foster mom asking if it is ok for the baby to stay until Tuesday. Through all of the back and forth we discovered that the plan between the current foster family, the social worker and the foster care worker is for us to provide respite for this little girl and to eventually take her into our home on a permanent basis. It would have been nice to have been consulted on the topic! THE SYSTEM IS WHACK people. WHACK.

It could only happen to me.

2012-01-24T14:58:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment at the dentist today. In the spirit of trying to do things "differently" I did not cancel but actually went to my appointment.

I arrived, got settled, got my mouth numbed entirely on the bottom - both sides, and the dentist began working.

Getting needles in my mouth hurts me a lot. I am sure it hurts everyone but I think I have hypersensitive cheek nerves or something. When I get a needle it hurts right into my jaw and into my ears and I have such anxiety about it I can literally feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I try deep breathing. I try thinking of other things, but I have no luck in turning my attention to anything other than the stabbing pain in my mouth - aggravated by the dentist shaking my cheek (is that supposed to help or something?)

All of a sudden the dental hygienist says to him 'I have no water". He checked his water and had none. They went into other rooms and checked the water and there was none. The receptionist called the town office and was told that there was a water break and there would be no water for the rest of the day.

He came back into the room, covered up what he had started and sent me on my way to make an appointment to come back and finish when they had water again.

I got a trip to another town, a frozen mouth and another appointment. YAY ME! I have bad dentist karma.

things I am grateful for

2012-01-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am trying to reframe my attitude. I have mentioned that last year really took a toll on me emotionally and my attitude suffered without a doubt. I NEED for this year to be a better year. I cannot control the things in life that happen around me, but I have to do something to hold onto my sanity.

I have always been a huge fan of the concept of gratitude. When I was super religious I had a favorite scripture from a speech King Benjamin gave to his people. King Benjamin was a great king and his people loved him. He erected a tower to talk to them and in his speech he said "And behold also, if I, whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King!"
I tried to make it a daily practise to "thank my Heavenly King".

Years have passed since I was that religious but I still believe that being grateful is important. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Last night I sat on the couch in our living room with my boys next to me. Max was watching a video about Wolves and CJ was playing a motorcycle game on his ipod. In the middle of playing his game, he stopped and leaned over and kissed me on the arm. I said "thanks for the kiss CJ" and he replied, eyes still on his game, "Welcome!"

Such a sweet, kind soul. My heart filled with gratitude for the beautiful family that I have.

When it is -40 C

2012-01-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

Winter arrived this week with a vengeance. We have had a SUPER mild year so far and so when the temperatures dropped to fourty below ( which is where the celcius and farenheit scales are the same for those of you wondering) we were not happy.
At work somehow (because how do topics ever come up at work I don't know) we started talking about what happens when you throw water outside when it is this cold.
Well R said that it evaporates immediately. I thought she was messing with the girl she was talknig to and told her she was full of B.S.
She insisted she was correct and so I went to the kitchen, got a cup of cold water and went outside and threw it into the air. Well nothing happened at all so I gave R "the look" which meant - you are a lying sack of @#$ and we came inside.
Determined to prove she was right she busted out the all knowing, all powerful, google search and lo and behold, if you BOIL water and THEN throw it outside the most amazing thing happens.
Kept us occupied for at LEAST a half hour!!
Enjoy :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdmzt3kplKY&list=UU4chB6OiOd_VDn2l4h3CoNA&index=1&feature=plcp

Reading : Beauty and the Werewolf

2012-01-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

I am reading so many books right now it is insane. I have not read like this for YEARS.
WHY?
Because I have been in school. Am I done school you ask?
HELL TO THE NO!
I am procrastinating and I have retreated from the world in the evenings after the boys are in bed and I am reading up a storm. I am not even watching television I am reading so much - and that says SOMETHING about my reading fo sho.
I just finished a book called Beauty and the Werewolf and I LOVED this book, probably because I like a good fairytale. It was part Little Red Riding Hood, part Beauty and the Beast. The female protagonist was smart, hardworking, kind and all around the kind of woman I like to read about. The woodsman and the Wolf were not at all what you would expect from the typical fairytale which was a nice, but predictable departure from the norm. The only thing in the book that was a bit of a distraction was that I figured out the plot early on and knew who was responsible for the spell cast on the Wolf - it bothers me that I am smarter than sorcerers, wise women and others with abilities beyond my own. If I can figure it out, why can't they? This seemed to me more of an adolescent read than an adult one but I really liked it just the same.

I read to "escape" from reality. I have in the past year begun to read science fiction and fantasy books which I had never read before because I was bored with the predictability of the mysteries I had previously devoured. I am enjoying my foray into these new (for me) genres, but there are some things which I have noticed which bother me.

I have yet to read ANY book in which a female character dresses herself in "male" clothing for comfort and functionality but in the process offends some of those she encounters. Compass directions are ALWAYS north, south, east and west which makes sense from the perspective that it gives the reader some frame of reference, but in other ways it is strange that in other worlds, in other times, there would be these exact same directions by the same name.

Another thing I have noticed is that when characters in books undertake any kind of travel, they ALWAYS have jerky and cheese. REALLY? I have read about dragons, witches, boggarts, gurgi, and all manner of other kinds of creatures, but there are ALWAYS cows and cheese - and jerky!

12 of 12: January 2012

2012-01-13T13:56:00.001-07:00

Today was a very sad day in our home as our two year old great dane had to be put down for medical issues. We are devestated to lose him and wish we had options that would guarantee his health and not leave him in potential prolonged pain without guarantee of success.
Hugo has been a significant part of our lives and a blessing in the life of our boys. We will miss him more than words can tell.

When I got home from work this morning at about 1 am Max and Hugo had been sleeping together. Shel took this and sent it to me.

Sitting on the couch before we left for the vet

Checking out a squirrel in the tree with Shel. Where is a dane to sit if it isn't on the couch?

CJ does not want his photo taken (after we got home from the vet CJ bit me!) It has been a long time - over a year since he has bitten. Poor kid is having a tough time tonight.

Looking out the window as the boys go with the neighbours. Max kissed him "lots and lots" before he left.

Trying to take a photo with Shel. She asked if I wanted one and I said no, and thought I might regret it. I already do.

Sign on the wall in the vet office. According to this Hugo was already in his 20's although he did not act like it!

Sign on the wall as we entered the vet office. I thought it was a funny sign, but I was looking for reasons to be distracted. It worked for about 7 seconds.

Picking up the boys on the way home. CJ ran away from us so we picked him up as we drove away.

We heard something under the car so got out to check what it was, but couldnt find anything. (The car was turned off while we all lay on the ground)

The only thing we managed to put together for dinner. Didn't feel like much of anything.

Empty Bed.

The house was really quiet last night.
I hate today.

If I was...

2012-01-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

If I was a month, I would be October - but only if I lived somewhere far enough south that the end of the month wasn't freezing cold like it is where we live currently.

If I was a day of the week, I'd be Thursday.

If I was a time of day, I'd be late at night probably around eleven thirty.

If I was an animal of the sea, I would be an angler fish.

If I was a direction, I'd be West.

If I was a planet, I'd be Mars.

If I was a piece of furniture, I'd be a recliner rocker.

If I was a sin, I'd be lust.

If I was a liquid, I'd be mercury.

If I was a gemstone, I'd be an Emerald.

If I was a tree, I'd be a Baobab.

If I was a bird, I'd be a Greater Painted Snipe .

If I was a tool, I'd be a leatherman, but the thought of being a "tool" makes me laugh a little.

If I was a flower, I'd be a Carrion Flower because it's just wierd - not because I smell like something dead.

If I was a material, I'd be cotton.

If I was a kind of weather, I'd be a Lightening Storm.

If I was a musical instrument, I'd be a didgeridoo.

If I was a colour, I'd be be green .

If I was a word, I'd be "Sussurus".

If I was an emotion, I'd be gratitude.

If I was a fruit, I'd be a leetchee.

If I was a sound, I'd be the laughter of my sons.

If I was a body part, I'd be hands.

If I was a song, I'd be LA Song (This was VERY HARD to decide!)

If I was an element, I'd be Tantalum.

If I was an auto-mobile, I'd be a

If I was a food, I'd be Thai Mango Sticky Rice

If I was a taste, I'd be Umami.

If I was a scent, I'd be vanilla.

If I was a place, I'd be Deception Pass State Park.

If I was a mammal, I'd be a

If I was a phase of the moon, I'd be waxing gibbous.

If I was berry, I'd be a raspberry .

If I was a book, I'd be 'The Lorax" by Dr Seuss.

If I was story, I'd be ... wow. I don't know how to even answer this one. I have NO idea what story I would be.... Shoot. I have to think more about this one.

2012

2012-01-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

I was more than happy to see the end of 2011. To put it mildly it was NOT a good year for us. As I sat down to compose a family letter for the holidays I was so discouraged with the happenings of the year that I eventually put the draft letter away and didn't finish it. Finding much to be grateful for was hard. I also noticed the impact it had on my blogging last year. Since I began blogging more than five years ago, last year I posted the least. I didn't want to fill my blog with the things in life that were going wrong, partly because it seemed too personal and partly because I didn't want my blog to be a complaining place that people avoided because it was such a downer.
As 2011 drew to a close and 2012 dawned I was relieved. It was something concrete that allowed me to feel as though a chapter was closing and a more hopeful chapter was opening.
Then on January 1 my grandmother passed away. On January 2nd we discovered that our two year old Great Dane puppy may have bone cancer. I've put my enthusiasm for the new year on hold again. I honestly don't know how I could survive another year like the last one.
I am in such a mental slump I don't know how to get myself out of it.

Making decorations tonight

2011-12-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

We noticed in the putting up of our tree that we are running low on decorations. Shel and I have had a lot of decorations over the years but some have been broken in all of our moves and some have been eaten by our dogs and some are just darn old. Now that we are kick A*# parents and Christmas is ALL about the boy's we have decided to start making decorations with them so that we can build up our decoration stash again.

I got this idea from a parent crafting newsletter and it was quick and easy and the boys loved it. I cut the pattern of a tree into a scouring pad and then the boys pushed these little crafting thingys into them wherever they wanted to. ("Crafting thingy" is the proper name for them I am sure! LOL)I just have to put strings on and then we will have the first new decorations of 2011.

Max didn't want to hold his up for the photo, he wanted me to hold it up in front of him. I have no idea why all of a sudden this boy does not want to be in pictures. Silly kid.

CJ is holding up his finished product for mom to take a photo of in front of the tree. Apparently for him tonight "less is more".

12 of 12

2011-12-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

This is the last month that Chad Darnell is hosting 12 of 12.
I love it and now that I have a computer at home again I plan on doing 12 of 12 again monthly - even though (unfortunately) Chad will no longer be hosting.
Check out other participants by linking to Chads site HERE.

And here are 12 photos to take you through my day on the 12th of December.

1. First thing this morning at about 7 am I went out to warm up the vehicle.
This is frost on the boys toys outside overnight.

2. I was trying to get a photo of the frost on the trees in the driveway, but my breath and the car exhaust were causing problems for my i-phone. This is the best of the three pictures I took.

3. I went for lunch in the cafeteria today at 1pm. They make really good soup. They have all these new signs and this is the sign over the water dispenser. I think it is funny.

4. At the same cafeteria. I had to take a photo of this. The lunch menu today was perogies with sausage. Perhaps I am confused, but no-where in what I understand to be perogies is there any type of noodle and yet this was on the line. They weren't even good looking noodles! Oh well. I am sure they will show up in the Chef's choice soup by Friday. (One of the only soups I don't even try!)

5. This is scratched into one of the stall doors in the ladies washroom right by my office. I have worked here since 2003 and the same scratches are still there.

6. SKYPE!!!!! Boo Yah I love Skype. Here is my little sister multi tasking. She is talking to me AND working at the same time. She has mad skills.

7. My desk. I spent a stupid amount of time cleaning my desk because then I have a

reason not to be working on my thesis. Those are actually thesis papers on the desk right there as proof that I have at least printed off some material.

8. 5pm and I am home.
This is my boy greeting me as I arrive in the driveway.

9. This is my other boy greeting me and evidence of the sun setting at 5, yes, 5 pm.

10. I blogged about this earlier. This is the hole which the mouse made in my vehicle. The mouse which I intend on finding and destroying. Yup I said it. Destroying.

11. 6pm He let me take this photo because I told him it was a photo of his toque head. For some reason he is not impressed with being the object of my photographs any more. I have to bribe him to get a picture any more.

12. I always think this flower is dead and it blooms every year and surprises me. This is likely the happiest thing that has happened in my life recently!

13. And a bonus photo . Our tree.

I have not touched ANYTHING but allowed the boys to decorate as they want to. The only thing I have done is "re-hung" things that have fallen off.

It's been quite the week ...

2011-12-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

The week started out with a hissing and some smoke from the front of the new vehicle.

Turns out we need a new radiator.

I took the Boxee Box back to the store.

Turns out the "great deals" we were offered when we bought a computer, a tv, a boxee box, a sattelite receiver and a sony tablet miraculously were ALL given on the boxee box so when I went to return it they said they owed me a bit fat ZERO. What a fiasco.

While taking the garbage out to the dumpster on Saturday I slipped on the ice and cracked my head HARD. I think I have whiplash because my neck is exceedingly sore and I can't move my head from side to side.

When I picked up the vehicle from the dealer, after being told the repairs are NOT covered by warranty, I lifted up the back seat which was laying down for some reason, only to find a MOUSE HAS CHEWED A HOLE IN MY LEATHER SEATS and made a nice little home for himself. That mouse is gonna die. I have no sympathy whatsoever I feel no guilt about it at all.

I'm ready for this week to be over. I'm ready for 2011 to be over. I have in fact decided I am not writing a Christmas letter this year because I have nothing nice to say about the year from beginning to end.

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen of my favourite Christmas tree decorations

2011-12-08T23:20:00.003-07:00

1. This is a gift from a very dear friend. It is our family in 2010.

2. The very first Christmas tree decoration from Max. He is Three.

3. I made a number of these for Shel. They are glass and painted on both sides to resemble snowflakes.

4. Max brought this home this week and put it on the three. It is apparently a gingerbread man.

5. Maxie made this star last year in school.

6. I love snowmen and cross stitch. This is one I made a few years ago now.

7. Another creation by Max from last year.

8. This is from home. It is made out of banana leaves. I used to have another one but Mukiwa ate it. Now that I know it attracts the dogs it hangs very high up in the tree.

9. Our Angel.

10. More of my cross stitch decorations. I love them and I love making them.

11. Another.

12. Our friend L made this for us a few years ago. She is extremely crafty and I love her dearly. I love that she is a part of our Christmas each year because of this amazing tree skirt. That's what Christmas is about for me - family, friends, traditions and making new memories.

13. Max put this on the tree. Apparently this horse got excited rocking and rocked himself upside down!

Holiday Meme

2011-12-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

Egg nog or hot chocolate?
Hot Chocolate. I have never had eggnog. The name alone makes me gag.

Letter to Santa?
Absolutely. Last year Santa replied to the boys and I have to say the letters were a bit of a bust. I need to dig them out and post them.

Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?
Santa wraps presents and Mrs. Claus provides each member of our family with new pajamas on Christmas Eve. My mom one year gave us a gift of sewn Christmas "bags" which I love to use for presents. Christmas wrapping paper is insanely expensive.

Colored lights on your tree/house or white?
Coloured. Unfortunately the colours available now are not the ones I like. I don't consider "orange" a Christmas colour. I have to get over it though, since what I want is no longer on the market. Does that officially make me old?

Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but it doesn't put a damper on the kissing.

When do you put your decorations up?
I have been terrible over the years at getting the decorations up. I would LIKE to have them up by December first and because Canadian Thanksgiving is in October once we are past Halloween there is rally nothing to stop us decorating for Christmas. This year the tree was up on December 4th.

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I like Christmas Dinner. Ham, Roast Potatoes.

Favorite holiday memory as a child:
Christmas has always been a HUGE part of my memories of my childhood. My family has a lot of traditions. One of the things we always did we called the 12 days of Christmas. We would pick a family or families and thn each day leading up to Christmas we would make something and leave it on the doorstep, knock and run away. I have MANY memories over the years of things that happened when we "knocked and ran".

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I don't remember.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
The gift from Mrs. Claus.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
This year the boys really helped for the first time.
Max is all about the lights so he helped me put the lights on first. IN all the moves Shel and I have been through we have lost a lot of our tree decorations or they have been destroyed. We realized this year how few we have. We will be making a lot more with the boys so the tree with be all about them :)
We don't have any balls anymore and we don't use tinsel because of the cats, so it is unique in that way.

Can you ice skate?
You know I think I might be able to lace a pair of skates on. Beyond that there are no guarantees.

Do you remember your favorite gift?
One year I got a bike from my grand parents when we lived in Gweru, Zimbabwe.
My favorite recent gift was a flip video camera.

What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you?
My sons, my family.

What is your favorite holiday dessert?
I really like Terry Chocolate Oranges which we seem to only get a Christmas but they aren't really a dessert... I don't know of a uniquely Christmas dessert I "love".

What is your favorite holiday tradition?
The fact that we are making new traditions with our boys is my favorite. Growing up my favorite was the advent calendar we had that my mom made. Putting the star on the advent on Christmas eve was a special treat - with five kids all wanting to do it the opportunities were rare!

What tops your tree?
We have a metal angel. which tops the tree.

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?
Absolutely giving. Especially to my sons.

What is your favorite Christmas Song?
This is an impossible question to answer.
Little Drummer Boy with Bing Crosby and David Bowie
My favorite Christmas Album is Boney M Christmas Album.
I absolutely love Christmas music, so choosing one song was difficult.
When I sang my favorite Christmas song to perform was Shine for me Again, Star of Bethlehem. Here is a link from youtube. I think it is nicer with a womans voice.
My favorite contemporary Christmas song is "There's Still My Joy" by the Indigo Girls.

Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Peppermint Candy Canes but not the other flavoured ones.

Why I hate the Boxee Box

2011-12-06T14:49:00.001-07:00

This is a boxee box.

It is a d-link TV connected device. What it is SUPPOSED to do(among other things), and I have to be honest, what it MAY do for some people, is deliver content from internet sources to the television.

I liked the idea of it a lot. I wanted something primarily to watch netflix, but I was drawn to the Boxee because it supports flash and so it meant (theoretically) that I could watch more shows through the internet than I could using the apple tv device.

I had problems right from installation. I could not access netflix. I had to install an upgrade and it seemed to take care of the netflix problem for a day. I could not access any movies. The wifi signal kept dropping, which is still a problem and I see is also a problem for other users.

According to the information on screen, I have access to over 1000 movies. When I tried to watch the first movie, I needed to create an online account with MUBI. I did. I tried again to access a movie only to discover that the movie I wanted actually cost $3 on MUBI and I needed to put money onto my MUBI account. Honestly, If I wanted to pay for movies I would pay for pay-per view movies or rent a DVD from the video store. So I have access to SOME movies, but there is no information on screen about which movies cost money so you have to go one by one to find the movies that are free, or in most cases, not free.
Many of the movies say "Not available in your area" which I thought might be our rural area, but turns out is Canada!

Then there are the television shows. Scrolling through the shows that are available was fun. I had visions like sugar plums dancing through my head of all the shows I was going to watch. Then I tried it. The connection is TERRIBLE which I originally blamed on my home internet connection until I read some other reviews. apparently I am not the only person who has had trouble with shows buffering and CONTINUALLY stopping as I am trying to watch. This is so annoying and has happened on EVERY show I have tried to watch that it is simply a feature I will not use again.

The remote control is something reviewers have raved about. To be honest I find it annoying for two reasons.
#1. It is so easy to get turned around and impossible and so everything you are trying to do on the screen is happening backwards.
#2. I watch television and movies in the dark and so having this QWERTY keyboard on the back of it is useless for me because I cannot see it. And I cannot type in the dark- although someone else may be able to (or may watch tv with the lights on).

With all the hassles with movies and tv shows streaming I basically decided I would use it for watching netflix only. With that in mind there is no reason to have a boxee instead of an apple tv device and the apples are cheaper by about 90 bucks.

So last night I went home and got comfortable, or "Come -see" as CJ says, and turned on the boxee to watch some netflix. For the second time since I have had the boxee (two days), I cannot access netflix. I went online to contact boxee support and I cannot find ANYWHERE on the website a contact number to phone. There is a place online where you have access to forums, none of the information on the forums was helpful. There was a place on the site where I could register a problem with my boxee for customer support. I entered my problem and sent it off and so far - in 24 hours - I have not had a response from customer support.

I would NOT recommend this product and will be returning mine. What a complete waste.

Christmas Tree Time

2011-12-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

Maxie has a lot of allergies and so we have had a fake tree for the past few years. This year our fake tree kinda died a horrible death and so we needed to replace it.
We checked out few places but we are partial to trees that are not pre lit so we can do our own lights and fake trees are pricey!
We decided that although we will likely return to the world of fake trees (much to my chagrin) this year we will buy a real tree - it is less expensive this month than the $200 plus we would have to fork out for a decent fake one.
Tree is purchased. ( I believe it is a white pine - it is not one that I have ever had before and the needles are super soft but a little hard to hang decorations on). Tree is set up, and now ... TREE IS DECORATED! It smells DIVINE.

We have some decorations that I love but a lot of the decorations that Shel and I had collected in the first few years of our relationship have been broken or lost in the many moves we have made. Our dear friend Loralee made us a Christmas tree skirt which you can see under the tree. I prefer the other side of the skirt which has a cool quilted design to the Santa side, but Max chose the Santa side and since Christmas is all about the kids - Santa it is!

Max hung this decoration upside down. I am in the "non-correcting" mode of parenting. I will not change the things he does! I have to be honest though, He and I strung the lights and they leave a LOT to be desired. We have a whole complete dark patch in the tree. I have debated taking the lights off and restringing them, but I REALLY want these holidays to be about the boys, and not about my need for things to be a certain way. So I am leaving the black hole also.

When I walked into the house today from work and opened the back door the first thing I smelled was the pine. It was AMAZING. It feels like Christmas.

i-mac

2011-12-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well it's finally happened.
We have a computer.
It is out of the box.
It is connected to the internet.
It is an I-mac.

I have never used a Mac before so this is the beginning of a new journey for me, but I am absolutely THRILLED to have a computer at home.
I can FINALLY blog to my hearts content!

Santa came early to our house and so far I am liking it!

Christmas

2011-11-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

I am really having a hard time getting my mind bent around Christmas this year when it comes to gifts for the boys.
We live a blessed life. The boys have clothing, toys, and pretty much everything they need. Trying to decide what to get them for Christmas is stumping me.
They have toys which they play with often and which they enjoy. We have whittled and whittled and whittled the toys away and so the house is not full of things they don't use but we really don't have the space to bring in a bunch of stuff. I'm sure some people would think they have a lot of "stuff", but I think we have been good about keeping the toys to a minimum (compared to how much we used to have!)
I am not concerned with having a million things under the Christmas tree but they boys are old enough to really "get" the idea of giving and receiving so it is important to me that there is SOMETHING for them to unwrap.
Max wants his own tree for his bedroom. I am having enough trouble coming up with ideas for presents under one tree, I don't need another! Somehow I am certain if we get him lights and extension cords he will be thrilled.

finally beginning

2011-11-21T16:05:00.002-07:00

I've done it. I have taken some time off from work to get working on my thesis.
Why am I dreading this?

Kids and technology

2011-11-18T13:54:00.001-07:00

There's been a lot in the news and in conversations I've heard lately about kids and technology, more specifically about kids and cell phones. A friend of mine made the comment on facebook "I know several people who couldn't raise their kids without technology!"

I got the information above from a verizon website and I thought it was interesting.

On Monday Maxies school bus broke down before it got to our house. We went to look for it after calling the neighbours and finding out their daughter had been picked up already and we found them down the road. The wind was howling, the temperature was around -26 degrees C and the kids were getting cold waiting for a replacement bus. I offered to the bus driver to let the kids come sit in the van and warm up. She asked them if they wanted to and they all did. They climbed in and I turned the heat on high. Out of the 5 kids that came into the van (all younger than high school) 2 of them were texting the whole time and 2 other playing with an i-pod. (they were all polite and very happy to be warm) but it got me thinking about how we use technology in our home.

We have 2 televisions in the house and both have PVR. I like to watch television without commercials and it is nice to be able to record television shows without having to keep track of video tapes. The boys have NEVER been good "sit down and watch a tv show" kind of kid but now they like Scooby Doo, Inspector Gadget and most recently Max asked to watch the Magic School Bus. CJ will pay more attention to the television but unfortunately (for me) neither of them will just sit down and watch something from beginning to end and so I end up watching most of the kids shows that we put on the t.v.

The last time we were in the hospital at outpatients ( I feel as though we go once a month) they had us in a small waiting room with a television and CJ was quite disgusted that I could not fast forward through the commercials. He thinks every television has a PVR!
Shel went with Max on a class trip to the firestation and something about Star Wars was mentioned. She said all the kindergarten kids (but ours) knew who the Star Wars characters were. She felt a bit guilty about that so she stopped at the video store and rented some movies. As it turned out the boys were not interested in them at all and we just ended up paying late fees on the one we left in the dvd player when I returned them!

Shel and I BOTH have i-phones. We both have games downloaded for the boys to play and both boys know how to use the phones. The other morning I noticed that CJ had used my phone to take a picture of his poop. When I went to delete the photo I found that he had not only taken one picture, but SIXTEEN pictures of his poop. What can I say, he's proud.

We have used the phones to let the boys watch movies on netflix when we drove to Edmonton and we have used them to occupy the boys while we waited for appointments. Max knows how to find netflix, find a movie he wants and play it. Sure there was a time when kids waiting for appointments had magazines and toys to play with (in doctors offices) but for the most part those things don't exist anymore, and to be honest I would rather my kids played with my phone than with the toys other sick kids had played with.

CJ (who is 3) knows how to go to youtube and look in the history for the motocross videos he likes and play them.

Could I raise my kids without technology? I'm sure I could, but why? I think I need to teach them MORE though, because right now they know enough to be dangerous. This morning CJ deleted a game I have been playing on my phone for a few months. DANG that kid! It made me think of what I can live without. I won't add that game again ... and I'll have time to find others!

Snow Day

2011-11-17T10:10:00.000-07:00

I got called into work this morning early. There was a power outage and temperatures dropping in the dorms.
The generators are now working. The heat is on. I am headed home to join my dog in his socks!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

My very first blog post - from May 2006

2011-11-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

Here is the very first thing I ever blogged.

My "Old" blog can be found HERE. I am seriously thinking I need to combine the two spaces but for now I have no idea how to do it and so things will remain as they are....

So Oprah was interviewed by Anne Curry last week and one of the things they were talking about was prayer. Anne asked Oprah if she prays and she said this.

"I live in the space where God is. There is no question that that is why I am where I am, and why I have had the success I have had. I allow myself to be guided by that which is greater than myself – than my personality. That’s the truth. I am doing the work that my soul came to do."

So this made me think about a couple of things.

1. What do I believe about God?

2. Do I pray?

3. Where is the "space where God is"?

4. Am I doing the work that "my soul" was meant to do? (Geez I hope not)

5. Do I even believe that "my soul" has work to do?

But the most bizarre thing of all was the dream I had. I swear I was dreaming about good and evil and which place was I in. Angelo was in my dream - probably because I just got an email from him. But this ‘thing" touched my shoulder and asked me to look at Angelo and see what space he was in. So I look at him and he is "melting". His eyeballs are all mushy and sinking into his head and he looks like some Edvard Munch painting. Then the "thing" touched my shoulder again and told me to be afraid and I was GRIPPED with this crazy fear that I never experience when I am awake but I experience it quite often when I am sleeping. It is the most terrifying feeling. ANYWAY. I woke myself up, but when I went back to sleep I dreamt again about which "place" I was in and was told to walk away from the darkness. Whatever that means!

Some recent random thoughts to start off the week

2011-11-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

I'm actually not officially Blogging this week because I am spending some time going to all the blogs I love to read (but haven't lately) to catch up. Instead of blogging here daily I have set up some "pre-written" blogs to be posted automatically. Such technology!

Here are some random thoughts that sometime ago began as a Thursday 13 but never got that far:

1. I wish the aisles in Walmart were as wide and clear from obstruction in real life as they appear on Walmart commercials.

2. Since when does vegetable soup need to be advertised as "vegetarian vegetable"? Shouldn't vegetable soup "BE" vegetarian?

3. I think vehicle headlights that are LED are dangerous to oncoming traffic.

4. Orange is not a Christmas colour to me but it is impossible to find strings of multicolor Christmas lights that don't include orange bulbs.

5. I have loved reading for as long as I have memory. I wish I could be certain book characters or be in the places books are set. One of the very first characters I ever wanted to be was "Heidi" from the book by Johanna Spyri, another was Mary Lennox from "The Secret Garden".

6.One of the first places in my life I thought I would like to visit was "The Faraway Tree" from books by Enid Blyton.

7. I wish I could take "time-outs" in my life like they have in sports. There are some instant replays of my life I would like to watch over again before making a decision on what play I was going to make.

8. I'm allergic to cats and I never thought I liked them until meeting my spouse. Since then I have loved a few and think they are cool pets. I am still allergic though.

9. I am also allergic to my great Dane Hugo, but I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. No, wait. I can imagine it. I would breathe easier.

10. Daylight savings time is a terrible idea and should be done away with. I have yet to experience one positive thing as a result of daylight savings.

11. Swimming and Chess should be a part of school curriculum.

12. UPS has really fancy television commercials about delivering packages worldwide where you see a dude in a brown uniform riding a bike in China and playing soccer with kids in India and in a boat in the Pacific but they don't deliver to my town in Northern Alberta which is a HUGE pain when trying to shop online. They should spend less on commericals that say they go worldwide and spend more on actually shipping worldwide.
13. It seems wrong somehow that people can save so much money in some places by cutting coupons, but in other places coupons aren't even available. If there is a way for companies to offer a savings on an item doesn't it seem like the saving should be automatic and for all people who want to buy the product?

In Flanders fields by John McRae

2011-11-11T22:35:00.001-07:00

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Wake up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-09T23:02:00.000-07:00

I think I should have excused myself.

2011-11-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

I had to go to a meeting this afternoon. I went a few minutes early and entered a room where a male and female were already waiting.

I know "who" these people are. I know they work for the same organization. I know at least one of them is married. I know they live in different cities. Beyond that I have no idea what their relationship is, how long they have known one another or the nature of their relationship.

So when I arrived they were adding one another to their contact list on their phones. Then the lady texted the guy, then they giggled. Then the guy took a photo of her which she did not want him to have apparently because she does not consider herself photogenic, but he said she could not be in his contacts unless he had a photo of her. Then he showed her the photo he took of her which she apparently approved of because she said he could keep it. Then they giggled again. Then she texted him again.... ad nauseum.

All of this is going on while I am sitting in the room and I had this stream of thought.
"This is awkward, do they even know I am in the room?"
"Oh dear, perhaps I should leave the room."
"Wow. Something strange is happening here."
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. THEY WERE FLIRTING!

Can I just say it was such a surreal experience and I almost laughed out loud. I felt like I was a voyeur into this weird heterosexual ritual that is normally hidden from gay folk.

Flirting confuses me. Granted I am married and have been for the past 13+ years so there really has not been any reason for me to flirt in my life recently, but I don't think I EVER understood heterosexual flirting. I certainly didn't do it (that I know of) - and if any guy every flirted with me I don't think I knew he was doing it. Having this experience this afternoon made me realize how strange relationships between men and women are and how different my relationship is with men from the relationships straight women have with men. for the record I have also spend some time with the man who was in the room and not at any point did he take a photo of me, ask to have me in his contact list, OR GIGGLE with me. That would have been downright bizarre. I also think it was weird knowing he was married because they were absolutely flirting. Is that a common thing for married men and women?

This is one strange world we live in people. One strange world.

How much denial am I in?

2011-11-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

Since the adoptions were finalized last year we have had virtually NO contact with the foster care system. Our house was automatically put on hold for fostering as it is with all families who adopt. When the six months "freeze" was over I tried to contact the foster care worker to get our home open again and basically that went no-where. Then they were in need of an emergency placement so they called us and needed to open the house "IMMEDIATELY" so in the space of three or four days we were running around like chickens with our heads chopped off but apparently they placed those kids elsewhere because the communication all of a sudden completely died off again and we haven't heard from them since - haven't even heard if our home is open or not again...

I digress.

In the year or so it has been since we have had social services involved with our family it has been an amazing thing. We have just "lived" without anyone looking over our shoulder, and it has been wonderful! I didn't realize how wonderful until the foster worker was back in our home to being the paperwork for reopening our home and she was taking notes on everything we said.

Yup. That again. I guess we had become accustomed to having everything we said - in person or on the phone - being written down and filed and I just forgot what an annoyance it is.

This time as our worker was asking us how the boys were doing and taking notes I thought to myself "HEY THERE! These boys are OURS now and there is no reason for you to be documenting every single thing that I say about their progress because now it is none of your business!" I mean sure, ask me how they are doing if you care to know, but there is no reason to be taking notes on their progress and filing those notes away somewhere. We are DONE with that process for these boys - and it was not an easy process by ANY stretch of the imagination.

So here is where I wonder if I am in denial or not: The foster care worked always asks how Max is doing and I always reply - "Max is doing as well as Max can do." She follows up this comment EVERY time by saying that soon Max with reach his "thresh hold" of intellectual ability and that we must be prepared for him to continue through his life at the mental ability of a 5 or 6 or 7 year old. I know she is trying to be supportive (in her way) but part of me wants to tell her to shut up already.

In the back of my mind I have believed this and in a way I think I have been making allowances for him because I believe he "cannot" do certain things and it is just because of the circumstances of his prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol. It's a tightrope walk for me though. I wonder if my BELIEF that he will stop progressing actually limits his progression. Then when I think - no - he will keep developing over his lifespan I wonder if I am deluding myself and setting myself up for disappointment.

One of the things we do know is that he struggles with communication. He has the ideas but somehow accessing them and then getting them out is hard. In spite of that I am constantly amazed by the things he does. He has a great memory but it has to be "triggered". For instance, the other day we were parked on main street to pick up the mail. An ambulance drove by with the siren on. He asked if I remembered when mom went in the ambulance because her nose was bleeding. That was over a year ago. I was pretty impressed by his recollection and we had quite a talk about it.

Today I had to take him to a doctors appointment. After the appointment we were sitting in the truck eating lunch together and a boy walked by and waved. I asked him if he knew the boy and he said he didn't, it was just a nice boy who waved, but did I know that the shoes he was wearing meant he was a skateboarder?

Just these little things that he comes up with give me hope that he will continue to grow and learn. I just hope I can balance my realistic expectations with my hope - and not sell him short one way or another.

Gratitude month

2011-11-06T18:09:00.002-07:00

On facebook some of my friends have started a "gratitude month" post where each day they post something they are grateful for.
I like the idea so I joined in even though I don't know where it started. (It may be a Mormon thing since everyone I know who is doing it is Mormon?)
It's still a good idea!
I used to keep a gratitude journal many years ago and I have fun looking back at the things I was grateful for. I am grateful for a lot of the same things now.
What are you grateful for?
Here are some of mine:
I'm grateful for warm days even though it is November already.
I'm grateful for my sons who grow more each day and who make me smile each day.
I'm grateful for my mother who always inspires me.
I'm grateful I was able to put up Christmas lights because of the joy they bring to my oldest son.
I'm grateful for friends who provide us with last minute halloween costumes!
I'm grateful for my spouse who sits with me in the emergency room ALL DAY LONG to make sure I get the care I need.
I'm grateful for the balloons which my mom and sister sent in my birthday package. We have played and played and PLAYED with those balloons for three days now. My lips hurt!

Hoping for a productive day

2011-11-05T07:30:00.010-06:00

We have really been blessed with wonderful weather for this time of year. Yesterday morning it was -15 but there was no wind which still made for a pretty nice day. On Thursday the winds were whistling at around 60 km an hour. It was only -4 but with the wildchill it was MUCH MUCH colder.

When Max and I went to meet the bus we were so cold we climbed into the ditch and crouched down to get out of the wind. I haven't found my winter coat yet and the wind just blew right through me. Unfortunately that ditch will fill with snow before long and will no longer be a place to get out of the blowing morning chill. I wish we had a place to build some kind of small shelter in the driveway where we could wait out of the wind on bitter days but unfortunately there is no such spot. On either side of the driveway the ground gives way immediately to the ditch and so there is no flat spot to put anything.

It is also the place where CJ likes to hide while he waits for Max to get home!
Today the temperature is supposed to reach as high as 1 degree which will be FANTASTIC as there are some things in the yard and house we need to do before the cold sets in for good. If it does actually get that warm I may even bust out the chainsaw and get rid of some deadwood before the snow flies. I guess the real proof of how warm it is will be how much we get done. I'll post photos Monday.

What's your number?

2011-11-04T12:39:00.000-06:00

Recently the population of the earth exceeded 7 billion.

There is a cool page on BBC that you can link to here to find out some stats on yourself and the country in which you live.

When I was born, I was the:

3,793,054,066th person alive on Earth and the 77,990,203,579th to ever be born.

Interesting isn't it?

You can get more information on the page about the country in which you live. I entered Zimbabwe because although I don't live there now, it is where I am from.
I thought it was interesting that the life expectancy of women in Zimbabwe is 45.5 years. Thankfully I no longer live there, but reside in Canada where my life expectancy is almost double.

Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen things I hate about my dental experience

2011-11-03T00:01:00.001-06:00

1. The x-ray plastic pieces cut my mouth.
2. The dentist gloves taste nasty.
3. The freezing gel put on the inside of my cheek burns my tongue.
4. The squeezing and shaking of my cheek while putting the needle is does not take away the pain of the needle.
5. The bite blocker forces my mouth open wider than my jaw naturally allows.
6. My lips crack and bleed under the dental dam.
7. I have to concentrate the whole time on not gagging because my mouth is so wide open.
8. I HATE getting a filling on a tooth that will need a root canal in less than a year. I think it is a money grab and a way to make more from the insurance company and keeps me coming back to an experience I dread.
9. There are four posters on the ceiling and they were the same posters five years ago.
10. The freezing never completely takes away the pain of the dental work.
11. My fingers hurt at the end of two hours from clenching my hands so long.
12. I didn't get to rinse out my mouth after the whole thing was done.
13. I hate that I have to go through this whole process FIVE MORE TIMES in the next three months.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-02T22:15:00.000-06:00

Nablopomo

2011-11-01T12:21:00.000-06:00

Today is the first day of National Blog Posting Month.

I have lofty goals of participating and posting something every day.

I will start out the month with a photo of my boys from Halloween yesterday. They had a ball. We just went to a few houses out in our neck of the woods and they loved every minute of it. Max wanted to come homke and start eating candy but CJ wanted to keep going. We experienced rain, sleet and snow but still persevered!

Max was bound and determined he was going to be a witch this year - right up until bed time on the 30th. Then he decided he was going to be a pirate. I could NOT come up with anything he wanted to wear but the Fenties bailed us out with costumes for both boys! Pirates are grumpy apparently - hence the grumpy face on Max.

Turning 40 today.

2011-10-27T14:59:00.001-06:00

Today is my birthday. I am 40. ACK!!!!!!!

Typically I LOVE birthdays, they are among my top three favorite days of the year. I'm having a bit of difficulty with this one and things are popping up for me that I didn't anticipate.

This year (in February) my parents separated after 40 years of marriage. I have not posted anything on my blog or on facebook about it. Initially my parents asked us to please not post anything and I refrained from commenting to respect their wishes. I actually COULD write ad nauseum about how it has affected me, my siblings, my mom ... but I have refrained. Until today.

Today my dad is in Asia - somewhere. I think he is travelling but don't know for sure. I don't have a phone number for him. I don't have an address for him. I don't know where he is living. I could email him and he will respond to me as soon as he is able but sometimes that isn't for many days.

My dad won't remember that today is my birthday. My mom would usually remind him. He isn't great at sending letters or cards and never has been but ALL my life - until today - my parents would call first thing in the morning and wake me up to say happy birthday. It has been a tradition until this year.

I have actually had a pretty good day as far as days go. I have had an outpouring of love from friends, family and my kids. But my dad (wherever he is) doesn't know I turn 40 today.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-26T23:45:00.000-06:00

A meme to jumpstart my blogging block

2011-10-26T13:27:00.000-06:00

I took this from HERE

1. If you and your friends formed a biker gang, what would your name be?
Flyin' Purple People Eaters

2. Are you more of a talker or more of a listener?
I would say I am more of a talker.

3. What's your favorite sport?
Soccer. Football. English Premier League. Liverpool Football Club. Are there any other sports?

4. Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
Being cold is hell for me.

5. Who do you think should be the next president of the United States?
Hillary Clinton

6. Do you believe in fate?
I like the idea of fate. Don't know if I believe in it though.

7. Have you ever been fired? If so, why?
Nope

8. If you had the opportunity to live one year of your life over again, which year would you choose?
Probably 2002. Following the brain surgery of my spouse, I would do better because I know better.

9. If you won a $1,000 shopping spree for any store, which store would you pick?
If I were being practical I would choose the grocery store, but I would prefer a bookstore, maybe amazon.com or overstock.com

10. Who do you think should run for president of the United States?
Steven Colbert

11. If you were stranded on a desert island, which one person would you bring with you?
My spousal unit

12. Are you a morning or night person?
Absolutely a night person

13. If you had to cook dinner for someone tonight, what would you make?
Martha's Chicken and nuts
14. What do you think was the greatest invention in your lifetime?
The one I personally use - ereader.

15. What do you think is your most attractive feature?
My hands

16. Where's your favorite place to buy clothes?
Old Navy

17. What did you eat for breakfast today?
I don't eat breakfast because I am not a morning person and eating in the morning makes me sick.

18. What was your favorite year?
The END of last year when the adoptions were made final - not the beginning of the year when we were told we were not permitted to adopt!

19. What celebrity would play you in a movie about your life?
Rosie O Donnell or Steffi Graf.

20. If your house was on fire and you could only grab three things, what would they be?
I am assuming that my family and pets are safe... I would grab.... 1.Photoalbums. 2. African Art. 3. Journals.

21. How many countries have you traveled to?
Let's see.... 7, but I have been in airports in more.

22. If you could have the starring role in one movie what would it be?
I thought tomb raider but I would rather star opposite angelina jolie than replace her as the lead....
So I think I would like to be the lead in "Salt". I would love to be a spy :)

23.Would you rather be a zombie or a werewolf?
Werewolf

24. What's your favorite season of the year?
Summer

25. What's your favorite city?
Seattle

26. Star Trek or Star Wars?
I used to be all about Star wars but probably now more Star Trek. That's what happens when you marry a trekkie.

27. What websites do you spend the most time on?
Facebook. Netflix. Postsecret. Goodreads.

28. If you could go on a road trip with any person, dead or alive, who would it be and where would you go?
I'd go with my spouse and we would visit every province and state in Canada and the USA

29.What's your dream car?
I have always wanted a mini-cooper, but it would be asinine to have one where we live. So I have to say .... some kind of BIG truck with 4 wheel drive.

30. What was your favorite movie as a child?
The only movies I can remember from when I was a child are E.T. and Return from Witch Mountain. I preferred E.T.

my autocorrected text conversation....

2011-10-24T16:19:00.000-06:00

Me: Oh dear. Final days until I'm 40.
My spouse: Yep. Lol. Enjoy your salad days!!
Me: I do like salad

Don't put the Birkenstocks away yet please!

2011-10-21T11:15:00.000-06:00

I'm holding out putting away my Birkenstocks. Somewhere in the back of my mind I believe that wearing my birks will delay the cold weather. So far it has worked out ok but this morning was a might cold on the tootsies as I ran with Max to meet the bus.

Yesterday we missed the school bus entirely. I knew we would and honestly didn't even care. I work until after midnight on Wednesdays and so getting up on Thursday morning is already a chore for me, but for some reason on Wednesday after I got home from work the boys woke up and they were up pretty much the rest of the night. I think silence finally fell in the house at about 4:30 and there was no way I was getting up at 6:30.
I think that's the second time this year we have missed the bus which is pretty good all things considering.

This morning as I was on the back porch putting coats and boots on CJ I happened to look up and see out the window the bus coming down the road. In the instant I saw it I thought we were late and so I yelled "RUN" to the boys and we headed out the back door at as fast a pace as could be managed considering I was carrying a backpack, a bagel for CJ, mitts, a touque and CJ!
We have to take a flashlight already. It is pitch dark and since we live in the boonies there are no streetlights on the road. Max had the flashlight and was running. I was running behind him and CJ was screaming he was being left behind so I was "kind of" carrying him. I dropped a mitten and when I turned to pick it up Hugo saw it and grabbed it and ran off like it was a great game of chase.
The bus saw us and waited but Max ended up not having mittens this morning. It turns out she was five minutes early which was a huge relief to me since I thought my timing was messed up and it really wasn't. Unfortunately I will have to suck it up now and set my alarm 15 minutes earlier since it is colder because dressing both boys to go out takes longer now that we have to dress more warmly.
I didn't notice in the hustle out to the road how cold I was, but on the walk back to house my toes protested the exposure. Turns out the temp this morning was -5, so I guess the protest was legitimate.
Oh how I hate wearing socks and shoes. I guess I have to add another five minutes to the alarm if I have to dress myself as well.
Winter, I hate you.

poop

2011-10-11T14:08:00.002-06:00

I never conceived that body functions would be such an integral part of my daily life.

I knew that boys found body functions humorous and I AM the mother of two boys, so I expected that at some point the boys would find things like burping and farting funny. CJ in particular thinks noises made by his body are a thrill.
Don't get me wrong. We are making attempts to teach manners and to have the boys say "excuse me" when they do happen to pass gas. However, I had NO idea how captivating poop would be. Nope. No idea.

We have been working on toilet training for a while. With Max the going has been slow and he still needs reminders and has accidents. CJ has taken to using the toilet like a duck to water. He LOVES it. What he doesn't love is wearing pants. Going to the bathroom has become an excuse for him to remove his pants and underwear and go nekkid for as long as possible. If going to the toilet means he can remove his clothing then he is all over it.

Living out on the acreage has allowed some freedom in what I like to call "location of excretion". We have let the boys got to the bathroom outside because we figured at least they were going and they were developing an awareness of bodily demands. When the boys were foster kids we were MUCH more strict on where and when they would go to the bathroom and going outside was avoided. It's one thing to let your own kid urinate in your yard but we felt the province would frown on us letting foster children void anywhere they wanted!

For the most part this has worked out o.k., especially since we were able to train them that the back porch was NOT an acceptable location to urinate on. We have always tried to get them to poo inside (but admittedly haven't always been as successful as we would like to have been.)

Now they are both using the toilet most of the time. CJ in particular is very proud of his endeavours and whenever he uses the toilet he wants one, preferably both, of his parents to come and look and give him a high five before he flushes and washes. We do. We have created a monster.

A proud pooping monster. He is extremely proud of his poop. He is VERY excited to show it to us. He comes into the living room, or kitchen, or bedroom and says "MOM! Come see! BIG BIG POOP!" Once we have witnessed the miraculous expulsion he then tells us he is going to "BIG BIG FLUSH".

Now all of a sudden his older brother is in on the action. Max, who initially did not want ANYONE looking at him or heaven forbid, asking him if he was using the toilet wants to share his poop with us also. Yesterday he asked me if his poop was as big as CJ's poop.

Just what I wanted to be when I grew up, a comparative poop analyst.

I will just say this. After I went to the bathroom this morning I considered for one moment if it would be appropriate for me to call CJ in to check out my poop. He would have been impressed. I let the thought go and went for the big big flush.... this time.

Doors ... and then the water pump

2011-10-11T11:25:00.000-06:00

We have been living in our house for a few years now. To be sure it is a bit small to be "ideal" for us - especially since the introduction of Great Dane Hugo to our household two years ago.
There are many, many things which need to be repaired and upgraded on the house and although it sometimes feels as though we are not moving forward on any of these projects we do sometimes make small improvements.

At the moment we are in desperate need of TWO new exterior doors.

Both doors are made from wood and neither is insulated. One problem with the house being as old as it is is the fact that nothing is "standard". The doors are not standard doors. In fact, the back door is so short, it is impossible to find a replacement by walking into a store or to a "used" lot to find a replacement.
The screws holding the door into the frame have become stripped and completely pulled out of the wall on the top hinge and the door "flops" around. in addition to the flopping problem, it is impossible to put any kind of weather stripping around the door to stop the wind, rain, and snow from coming in because the door simply does not fit the hole that was made for it.

The front door is a hollow wood door with a piece of glass in the middle. The glass has fallen down into the door and now there is a hollow door with a hole to the outside which I have covered with duct tape to prevent the majority of the air from coming in. If I sit on the couch in the corner by the front door the wind will literally blow my hair!

Every time it rains we have to pile towels at the base of the door to mop up all the water that pours in underneath. It has been our intention to replace the front door before winter and to try to at least fix the back door until we can come up with a more permanent solution at the back entrance.

We have been trying and trying to get someone to come and help us make repairs for months. Literally months. We live in such a small town it is impossible to find a contractor who is willing to work on a project so small. In the entrance to the grocery store, the drug store and in the town paper there are fliers advertising people who are willing to work on small house projects. We have called these people. One is booked "for months", one has not replied, one came out and apparently worked on the back door, but it is not fixed?!

I am getting desperate. I asked the maintenance man who works with me if there was anyway he could come out to the house, measure what we needed for the front door, come with me to buy a door and install it. I KNOW it will turn into a larger project than simply pulling the old door out and putting the new door in. I know it is beyond my capabilities.
He said he would help. He said he would measure and we put together a plan for him to come out this weekend. At the last minute on Friday he came to me with this:

It is a sheet of paper on which he would like me to measure and insert lengths to save him some time.
ACK! I absolutely do NOT want to do this. Have I mentioned this house is old? I can GUARANTEE that the numbers I measure will leave him shaking his head and he will want to measure again to make sure I have done it correctly. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HELP ME !

We stuck with the plan to have him come and help with the door on Saturday , and I (quietly) planned to let him measure what he needed anyway!

On Friday night I went to bed. All was well. In the middle of the night the toilet made a terrible gurgling noise and all of a sudden.... we had no water!

The house was silent, which is a bad thing. I went to the basement to check on the water pump. There was power to the pump but no water pressure. This I know is a bad thing.

We get water right into the house from the springs so we don't need a cistern or to haul water which I LOVE. There was water in the tank. I don't know enough about the system, but I know when it is not working.

This is not OUR pump - but it is what our system looks like.

Saturday morning first thing I called the plumber. I told him what I knew and that we needed some help. He wanted me to check a few things and so I was taking instructions from him on his cell, which was cutting out, laying the phone down upstairs because there is no reception in the basement, and trekking up and down the stairs with the boys and dogs in my way the whole time to check on what he was asking. Still no water pressure. After many calls he said he would send someone out to check it. He did ask me if I knew it was a weekend and the call out cost was higher than normal. I did know this and unfortunately we cannot live without water and so we needed to pay whatever it cost to get it repaired.

I took the boys to swimming lessons, (where I made them shower twice!) and the plumber came out and fixed the switch. I was hugely relieved it was the switch that needed replacement and not the entire tank, but my plans to get a door this weekend just went out the window.

So today we have a pump and water that works, two doors that STILL need repair, and it is the second weekend in October.

I sure as heck hope I can figure out what to do with the doors before the snow flies and the water lines in the house freeze because there is no front door!

Toilets to avoid if travelling in Northern Alberta

2011-10-05T22:18:00.000-06:00

We had to go to the city this weekend because Cj needed oral surgery. We decided to take off on Saturday after the boys had swimming lessons because we were thinking they would be tired out and would travel better and we wouldn't miss a week of swimming lessons.
It turns out they weren't tired, but they loved swimming and it was worth it anyway.
This was the first trip we have ever taken with both boys in "big boy underwear" and I was a little concerned we would make it without any accidents.
The boys were AMAZING and we made it accident free!
We did stop at a LOT of gas stations and on the side of the road once or twice but it was worth it.
I will just add here that if anyone is every travelling in Alberta and you end up in Whitecourt, do not, I repeat, DO NOT use the bathroom in the Whitecourt Esso on the north side of town. That place is NASTY.

addition to our family

2011-09-26T12:03:00.001-06:00

This weekend my baby sister had her first child.
After 2 hours of labour she gave birth to a wee one (just 5 pounds) and both mom and baby are doing amazingly.
I would post a photo but I need to get mom's permission. Take it from me, she is GORGEOUS!
Welcome to the family little one.

open minded... what?

2011-09-22T20:10:00.000-06:00

This past weekend wubby and I attended a conference for foster and adoptive families. The conference is held yearly locally and we try to attend as often as we can.
The hotel was a complete bust (served cold food and put us into a dirty room and took two hours to move us) but the conference was pretty good.
We had registered in advance for some aboriginal training which we do at every opportunity but the presenter was unable to attend and the session was cancelled which was a huge bummer because we had to find alternative sessions at the last minute to join. There was a session on Child Sexual Abuse which I KNOW is important but I was not feeling emotionally "prepared" to sit through the session and another on dealing with adolescents - which I have a few years yet to prepare myself for. Basically my remaining options were limited to one. It was something about claiming your magnificent self ...
It was extremely touchy feeling and a LOT of sharing deep personal thoughts and feelings. I have to say it isn't something I would volunteer for again considering the group we were with.
In the entire group Shel and I are the only gay couple. MOST of the foster parents in the area are very religious and to be honest, not the most inclusive group I have ever been a part of.
We do have a few good friends that it is always nice to see but we ended up in different sessions at this conference for some reason.
On Sunday Shel went to a session on building resiliency in children and teens and I went to a session on Aboriginal culture and Christianity. The presenters were a Catholic nun and an Aboriginal elder. The purpose of the session as outlined in the program was to have the presenters show the similarities between Christian ritual and Aboriginal ceremony. MOST of the people in the session were the people who are very vocal about their "Christian" lifestyle.
In every aboriginal session I have ever attended there is a smudging ceremony at the beginning. The presenters outlined that there would be a prayer from the nun and then a smudge from the elder. One person raised her hand and said that in her understanding a smudging ceremony was inviting aboriginal spirits to enter the room and stated that she was not comfortable in her religion to invite any spirit that was not from God.
The nun responded to her inquiry and stated that a smudge was like a prayer. I have included a link where you can read more info about smudging because I am in no way an expert, but what was explained was that all ceremonies must be entered into with a good heart so that we can pray, sing, and walk in a sacred manner. When the sweetgrass is brought to the people in the circle each individual wafts the smoke over their head, eyes, ears, mouth, heart and then down over the body. The whole process takes about two minutes per person.
The elder was very clear that if you were uncomfortable smudging that you could hold your hand over your heart or step back out of the circle and you would be passed over and there was no judgement on whether you smudged or not. The nun explained that when she smudged she prayed to her father in heaven that her heart, mind, eyes and ears would be open to the process about to take place so that she would learn and not pass judgement.
PERSONALLY, I like the idea. I think it is a cool way to start a meeting. It is a great reminder to take a minute, think about what you are about to do, why you are doing it, and commit to be a part of the process if a positive way. AS the smoke rises to heaven thoughts are on the creator and the role he plays in all our interactions.
Unfortunately this was not sufficient for the person who asked the question because she chose to leave the group and not attend the session. Others also left the room rather than be present for the smudge.
Of those of us that remained more than HALF did not participate in the smudging.
The session continued, each presenter sharing personal experience and knowledge with the group. Then we were invited to take part in a pipe ceremony.
I have never been a part of a pipe ceremony but I was amazed and awed by the fact that this elder was willing to share something of his own spirituality that is so significant. ESPECIALLY in a group that was obviously not completely open to the ideas surrounding his beliefs.
It was an honor to participate. It was absolutely beautiful. Again, many people chose not to participate.
At the end of the session there was a sharing circle. The eagle feather was passed and each person in the group was able to share.
I said thank-you to the presenters for sharing their wisdom and knowledge. Some of the people still felt as though Native Spirituality was in conflict with their native beliefs.
I have been thinking and thinking about the experience and I WISH I had shared some of my feelings to the group. I am obviously still struggling with finding my "voice" because what I wanted to say was this: (good thing I have a blog to "spew" on!)
I am a returned missionary for my CHRISTIAN church. I lived my entire life, served a mission, held positions of leadership and gave my time (and my heart) to proselytize for the church that I am not welcome in. My spouse and I have approached churches in our community and asked if we may bring our family to worship with them and we have been told that we are NOT welcome.
(I have to interject here that we have friends who attend a church locally who have invited us to join them and when we asked if we would be welcome they told us not to worry what anyone said but to go anyway. While we appreciate their support, it is not a resounding welcome from the community to our family!)
We have been judged, condemned, and rejected by EVERY Christian organization we have communicated with since arriving in our community.
Not once, not EVER have we been rejected, judged or treated differently by Aboriginal people in ceremonies we have attended. NEVER.
In the circle we sat in at the conference the Aboriginal leader welcomed all, regardless of belief, regardless of whether or not individuals wanted to participate. He said to everyone, "Come into my circle".
The people who rejected the message - self proclaimed "Christians".
I don't understand it. I have read the Bible (more times than many would believe). Christianity is so far removed from Christ it is unrecognizable to me.
I am so grateful for the BLESSING of being able to pray to and thank my Creator in a space where I believe he walked, and it wasn't a church.

Birthday Boy

2011-09-19T14:52:00.000-06:00

Max is FIVE years old today. I can't believe it.
He asked me this morning if it was his birthday "RIGHT NOW" and when I said it was he responded by saying "So do I get to stay home from school then?"
Silly boy.
He went to school but I got a call at lunch that he was not well and so I went to pick him up. Shel came into town and took him from my office up to the hospital where they said he needed medication and breathing treatments. He insists that he still wants cake and ice-cream for supper though.
I love this kid.
Happy Birthday Buddy!

Books from School

2011-09-12T14:17:00.002-06:00

Maxie brought a book home from school this week. He has done this before with regularity - but never before has he actually sat and listened to me read a book to him in it's entirety. Last night he listened to this book not once, but TWICE.

I love books. I love to read. I have been sad that my boy would never ever sit still or show interest long enough for me to read to him.

I love Sam Sheep.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-07T22:24:00.000-06:00

First day of Kindergarten

2011-09-06T12:30:00.002-06:00

So here we are!

Max had his first day today, an orientation day and not a full day. He will be attending the school in town. We deliberated and deliberated and FINALLY decided to send him to the community school and then received a call from the school letting us know that enrollment was so low that the school would not likely stay open and we would end up having to move Max again if he went there this year.

For Max to move twice would be too much and so we decided to keep him where he has been going - the school in town. We are sad that the community school has such low enrollment and we know that choosing to put Max into school in town also affects this enrollment, but we have to do the best thing for him. We are happy with our decision. Max has the aide this year that has worked with him for the past two years. He will be getting speech therapy, Occupational therapy and physical therapy AND going to kindergarten.

YAY!

He took the bus this morning and Shel went with him on his first day. It is about an hour bus ride and he will take his DSI to play games on the ride. He was reluctant to get onto the bus but Hugo was excited and climbed right on the bus behind him. The other kids on the bus thought it was hilarious. I was so busy pulling Hugo off that I neglected to get a photo of the great dane on the bus.

My baby is in Kindergarten.

Here is Cael waving at the bus as it arrives. Max was behind him clinging to mom and crying. CJ was thrilled and HAPPILY would have gone. We will see if he is still thrilled in two years when it is his turn.

At one point I said to Max that he would be taking the bus for the next 13 years. Upon reflection I son't think it was the most motivating thing I could have come up with to tell him. He has not slept at night since last week in anticipation of school beginning. We have been talking to him about it trying to prepare him but it was too overwhelming so we really downplayed it the last couple of days to try and "ease" him into it more and not build it up so much. When I got him up this morning he started to cry immediately and said he did not want to go on the bus. It was really the first he had mentioned the bus, but the bus driver let Shel ride with him which helped immensely. Hopefully tomorrow it will all go smoothly.

small school

2011-08-30T16:28:00.000-06:00

We have in Alberta schools called "small school by necessity".

Historically communities who are far from larger centers would have schools that are small. These schools are funded by the government to a greater amount per student than schools in urban centers because the students simply could not travel the great distances to the urban centers for their education.

We live outside a small community which has two elementary schools, one public, one Catholic. Close to where we live is a small school, which I think at one point was a small school by necessity but now it is just a community school which depends on student enrollment to keep running. This school has one classroom and teacher for grades one, two and three and another for grades four, five and six. There is a small amount of students that attend this school. Because we live so close to it we can choose to send our sons to this school or to the school in town.

Max has been attending an early intervention program at the school in town for two years. He is registered to attend this year. This program has been AMAZING for him. He has developed in leaps and bounds since he began. He has had the best aide for two years.We adore her and the work she does with him and SHE adores him. The bus ride for him to get to this school is over an hour each way.

The community school called this week to say they were running a program this year, there will be four kids, maybe five, in his class if we chose to send him here. The bus ride for him will be about half an hour - TOPS. We know that when he enters grade one we would like him in our community school because of the ratio of students to teachers and because of the way the classes are split. If for some reason he is delayed he would still be with basically the same kids. We went to an open house there last night and checked out the place (we have been there before). I thought after attending the open house I would have come to some certain conclusion one way or another.

It looks, on paper, like the best thing is to put him into the community school now. He would have a year to transition which is something we know he needs. For some reason I CANNOT find "peace" with this decision. Neither can I find peace with the decision to send him into town. It's so ridiculous. I can honestly say I have never had such a tough decision with regards to parenting as this one.

I hope decisions get easier as he gets older or I am hooped!

Accepting change

2011-08-26T15:07:00.000-06:00

Max has Static Encephalopathy. Permanent or "unchanging" brain damage. Static Encephalopathy may involve the frontal lobe, which affects judgment and impulse control, and the corpus callosum, the membrane between the left brain and right brain which affects the ability to process information.

Raising a child (or two) with brain damage is a daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute challenge.
One of the difficulties we face with the boys is when they "transition" from one thing to the next. It is extremely difficult for them to move from one task to the next or from one activity to the next. For this reason we set up a lot of rigid routines which we follow so that they know what to expect and when to expect it.

This fall Max will be taking the school bus for the first time. He has been in an early intervention program for the past two years and I have driven him each day to school in the morning. I am realizing more and more how much I like routines (shocker!) and I am DREADING this transition from driving each day with him. It has been our time together, our habit, and now I will be driving alone and he will be taking the bus. The bus will be new for him and will be hard for him to get used to, but the thought of driving without him brought me to tears yesterday. I will miss mornings with him immensely. I am so very, very sad at the thought of "losing" just this little part of him.

crazy week

2011-08-25T13:26:00.000-06:00

It's the week before school starts for college students and one of the busiest weeks of the year at work as we gear up for students to move in on Sunday.
It is also the week that we have "PD" opportunities here on campus. A bad week for me to be leaving the office but I hate to miss out on the opportunity to participate in some of the sessions. Yesterday I went to a session on "Brain Mapping" and it was EXCELLENT. I got some great ideas on some things to do with the boys and I wish there was an opportunity to actually get our brains mapped, but alas, we cannot at this time because there is no-one doing this kind of thing in Alberta that I know of. It was still a great session. Then I went to a session on the universe. Another amazing session. This morning I went to a session on Meditation.
I really like the idea of meditating. We actually meditated for 15 minutes and it's not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I enjoyed the session. Unfortunately for me, when I left, I found that my stress had actually increased and not decreased. I don't know if this is a natural consequence of regular meditation, if so, I likely won't pursue trying to incorporate it into my daily life, as much as I know I need to!
I recently read a blog post about yoga that talked about the emotional release that occurs during yoga practise. I don't practise yoga myself, and there isn't anywhere locally to join a yoga practise, but the idea of the emotional release actually appealed to me. With all of the events of the past 9 months I am in desperate need of an emotional release, or should I say, MANY emotional releases! I am thinking I will look into a yoga dvd and try it out. I just don't know if I will get the same benefit from trying to do it on my own.
On Monday we got a call that some of the siblings of our youngest adopted son will likely be coming into foster care and would we be interested in taking them into our foster home.
When the adoptions came through for us in November of last year our foster home was put on "hold" which they said was a normal practise when families adopted to allow the family to find a rythym and get used to being a family unit. I see in theory the purpose of this, but in our case it seemed a little silly since the boys have both been with us since their births and we had our routine pretty much down so there was not much of a transition to go through, but we accepted that our home would be on hold for 6 months. In May, at the end of the six months we called to activate our home. We were put off and told the workers were really busy and would get to us. We called again a few times, June and July and were put off again. When the call came Monday to ask if we would be willing to take these siblings we were asked to pick up the paperwork at the office and fill it out and the worker would get in touch with us again to get everything completed. Then on Tuesday came the call. Two other children, not siblings of our son, but two other children needed a home IMMEDIATELY. They needed our home open IMMEDIATELY. I could not get off work so the worker arranged to come in the evening to get the paperwork filled out to open our home again so we could take these kids right away. This has been our experience with the foster system in the past. Nothing is important or urgent until they need you and then everything moves at light speed. So the worker came over, filled out all the paperwork to open our home, and we did what we have RARELY done - which is say we are not willing to take the kids who need the urgent placement. We will wait until such as time as the siblings need a placement OR we will wait for kids who are a bit older. I think the worker was shocked, but now that we have over 6 years under our belts as foster parents we know a little of how things work and we aren't going to allow ourselves to be overwhelmed just because they have an urgent placement. At the end of the week our house will be open again as a foster home and we'll see what happens.
As we were meeting with the foster worker the phone started ringing. We ignored it. When I checked the message later it was the local school (k-6) calling to get Max enrolled. Talk about leaving things to the last minute! ( I think I need to do a completely different post on this topic)
It seems as though the weeks will go by and nothing of consequence happens and then all of a sudden, in one week, absolutely everything happens at once and it's all a little overwhelming.
When I woke up this morning I was certain the week was over because we had done so much, but it is only Thursday today! The worst of the week for me hasn't even happened yet.

Honorable Jack Layton 1950-2011

2011-08-22T10:13:00.002-06:00

His honorable Jack Layton passed away this morning. I am saddened by the news that such an amazing leader has left us. My thoughts are with his family at this time. NDP deputy leader Libby Davis said, “He was a great Canadian. He gave his life to this country. His commitment to social justice and equality and a better Canada in the world and at home. I think that’s how people saw him, they saw the courage that he had. He faced cancer and he kept on working, doing his job, because he felt so strongly about what he believed in.”

Here is a link to a letter written by Jack Layton in the event he passed away.

Four stitches before breakfast!

2011-08-19T14:17:00.001-06:00

wordless wednesday

2011-08-17T14:33:00.002-06:00

What to do with a five year old?

2011-08-15T15:48:00.001-06:00

Oh, we are having a devil of a time trying to decide what we should do with Max this year for school.
He is growing up SO fast. For the past two years he has been a part of an "early intervention" type program run through the elementary school that has done him WONDERS.

His birthday is in September and he will turn 5.

When he started the program at age three he was just out of surgery , having been deaf until that point in his life. He was not speaking any words at all. In the initial speech assessment the speech therapist was setting goals with us and said for us not to set our hopes too high, and that if he managed by the end of the school year to have between three and five words that would be a success through their program.
Well, by the end of the year he was saying over 100 words! He is truly our "Miracle Max".
He went to that program again a second year and improved again in many areas. He can spell his name, he can count (just about) to ten - but he keeps leaving out number "7". He talks and never stops.

BUT.... 1) his speech is very difficult to understand and in MANY cases you must know the context in which he is talking or you simply have no idea what words he is saying.
2)He is not toilet trained - and contrary to popular belief this has very little to do with our parenting (though many try to tell us it is our fault at this point that he is not trained). He has NO idea when his body is "excreting". So we can have him on a schedule and go every hour and he will go when we take him, but if you even ask him if he has pooped he can't tell you if he has or not.
3) IF he goes to school this year in the way that was proposed to us by the teacher in our last meeting he would go in the morning to the same program he has been in twice already which will make it his third year there. Then he would stay and go to kindergarten in the afternoon. That means that NEXT year when he goes to kindergarten full time he will go from every day school to twice a week school. This is my biggest problem with the whole plan. It will be a huge step backwards for him next year to go back to school twice a week. For all intents and purposes, by next year he will have three years under his belt. I just can't see him doing well in that change. AI AI AI AI AI.

ANYWAY.

I think he should be in kindergarten this year. Shel thinks maybe not? She thinks, and I do agree, that being older is not bad for boys to be starting out school.

Man oh man.

I wont even go into my dilemma about putting him on the bus!

Why I love my iphone - reason number one

2011-08-12T16:25:00.000-06:00

Last night there was a power outage and we lost power at about 2 am.
Normally this would be a really good time to lose power, one would think, but our house has a pump that runs on and off through the night for our water (if I go to the bathroom in the night the pump runs). I also have a fan in our room which I run through the night while I sleep, and we leave the light on in the hallway for the boys.
Well when the power went out the house went DEAD silent and PITCH black. We live on an acreage out of town so there are no lights from street lights, no lights from neighbours or traffic either.
The silence and the dark instantly woke the boys. Max was ok and knew exactly what had happened but CJ had a little freak out.
We brought them into our room on our bed but the dark still was freaking out CJ.
I was using the flashlight app on my phone to make light in the room but I really wanted the boys to settle down so they could go back to bed.
Netflix - here I come.
We watched an episode of backyardigans and also another show - for the life of me I CANNOT remember what else we watched as I was completely out of it. I was trying to hold the phone in my hand but kept dropping it as I dozed off so Max held it for me. Such a good little helper!
After an hour of television I took them back into their room where I opened the curtains and the light from the moon was bright enough for them to see something. It took a few minutes but they settled and went back to sleep.
YAY IPHONE! Unfortunately the phone didn't charge last night and I am almost completely out of a charge today.

Choosing what to blog about

2011-08-10T15:30:00.000-06:00

I have been blogging for a long time.

At one point in my history of blogging I maintained two different blogs - one for my family and extended family to read and one for "me". I tried to keep anything related to my sexuality off the blog which was for my family because I didn't want to offend anyone and I saw it as a place for them to come and catch up on life events and not have homosexuality "shoved down their throats". My family - for the most part - is very religious and my homosexuality has been an issue of contention.

It got to be too much of a hassle for me to maintain two blogs, especially when we no longer had a functioning computer at home so now I basically only maintain one blog on a consistent basis.
At one point I know there were two (maybe three?) of my family members who stopped in and read my blog on occasion but whether they still do I don't know. Which recently has made me wonder why I still come to this blog and edit what I write.

You may ask, what do you edit?

1. I make a concerted effort not to ever post anything about work, although I have done on one or two occasions without posting anything too negative or incriminating. I will continue to avoid posts about work because - well - it's work.

2. I edit things I write about my coming out process. I was trying to protect those people in my life who were around me at the time - but WHY? They did nothing to support me OR to stay in my life and so why was I trying to protect them, or more importantly why do I continue to try and protect them?

While I was in university I was going through the process of discovering and accepting that I was a lesbian. I was a late bloomer! A girl I worked with in student government had recently come out. At a retreat for student leaders I was hanging out with my "straight" friends and they were talking about how no-one wanted to share a room with her on retreats because of her newly claimed sexual "preference". I wasn't surprised by this, but considered how this information would impact my own coming out. I roomed with the same person at every retreat and although I was fairly certain she would not have a problem to continue to stay with me in the future I worried that her STAYING with me would have implications for her. I decided then I was not coming out while I was still involved in student government. This formed some of the basis for my choices later not to talk about my coming out process.

Many years after this experience in college, I was out, married and as at my sisters house with Shel. My sister had never asked about my coming out process but in a conversation she brought up a name as being the person with whom I shared my first lesbian encounter. It was COMPLETELY wrong! This was a direct result of the fact that I had never shared my experience and by not sharing it was left up to others to "fill in the gaps" and come to conclusions as to what had happened. No-one ever asked me, I never offered and the story that was constructed in the absence of all information was completely wrong.

Coming out is scary. I was terrified that I would hurt people but I believed that part of the process automatically meant that I would be hurt by others. I was. People I considered to be lifelong friends wanted nothing to do with me and walked out of my life. I disappointed my family. I EXPECTED that I would be hurt, but did whatever I could to protect others from being hurt. WHY? I can understand why I did what I did back when this whole thing was new to me. It isn't new anymore. I have been out of the closet for 14 years. I have no reason any more to try and protect anyone but myself and my family.

3. Although I do post things about my family, which in it's very nature has content related to homosexuality because we are two women parenting, I try not to be "in your face about gay issues... Having thought about this I really have to question "why" I do this? Who am I protecting? Who is it that I don't want to offend? And what does it mean to be "in your face" about my sexuality?

I have always felt in the back of my mind as though I was an "apologetic" gay person. What do I mean by that? I suppose that many people who know me would find this a bit surprising, because we live our lives very "out". I am out at work and in our community. We are "out" at the elementary school and to the parents of the kids who are in Maxies class. So I guess what it means for me to feel like an apologetic gay is that I feel as though in many ways I have to "protect" my parents and my grandparents and other people in my life who are offended by my sexuality. I try to ever hold hands or show public affection to Shel when we are with my family. I try not to write anything in a letter or post on a blog that would make my family uncomfortable. I HONESTLY do not know why I do this.

Let me give a "for instance"...

I am friends on facebook with some of my cousins and aunts and uncles. In 2008 there was a proposition in California known as Prop 8 that would eliminate the rights of same sex couples to marry. Some of my relatives, living in California, were in support of Prop 8 passing and posted links on their facebook pages to support Prop 8. You know, I honestly believe that everyone has a right to believe what they will. I understand why my family believe this way, but I disagree with them. I disagree that human rights should be legislated against. I avoided saying anything, posting anything or commenting at all either publicly or on my own blog. Why? Because I didn't want to "rock the boat" with my family. But now I sit here and I wonder why? Why can I accept that they can post their beliefs, but not give myself the same acceptance? Why can I accept that they are uncomfortable with me and then make it MY place to make them feel more comfortable? You know, at the end of the day as I reflect on this I think that the way I act could lead my family to believe that I am SORRY that I am gay. I'm not.

I'm sorry that my family can't accept me unconditionally. I am sorry that I had to deal with the things I did in my coming out process. However I am NOT sorry that I discovered who I was, that I came out, that I found a loving life partner and was able to MARRY her (YAY CANADA!), or that I am rasing two beautiful children. Right now I am sorry that I have tried to "hide" who I am when it has not been in my own best interest.

As I browse around on the blogosphere I come across all kinds of people who have no qualms about sharing what they believe. Why should I ? If people do not want to come and read what I have to say then by all means they can stay away! I should feel "free" to blog what I want to - especially as it relates to my own life!

And lastly - because I really segued there...

4. I edit my blogs about my children. Certainly there are some things about our lives that are mot for public consumption, but specifically I edit myself when it comes to writing about the challenges of raising two children with disabilities and brain damage. I got thinking about this when a friend recently went through a phase of not knowing whether to blog or not. She has blogged about her families journey to adoption and she has laid it all bare. She has blogged the good, the bad, the ugly. I admire her for it SO much, so why don't I do the same?

Am I worried that people with think I suck as a parent because of the difficulties we face in raising our boys? Will people judge our boys? I know that I want to have the most positive outlook that I can as we face the challenges we do, and so perhaps I think that if I blog about the challenges it will negate the "positive" things we encounter? Does it make me blind to the challenges? To be honest I don't think it makes me blind to the challenges. I think it makes me feel like I am in an isolated bubble. Just me and my spouse all alone and without any support or recourse or even validation that what we are undertaking is INSANELY difficult.

I have had two interesting interactions that have fed my "fear" about blogging about the trials of parenting. One interaction happened prior to the adoption of our oldest. When he came to us he had incredible medical difficulties and we knew he faced a life of challenges. Someone made the comment to us that we were sure lucky we were just fostering and didn't HAVE TO adopt this child who we knew would have troubles throughout his life. The comment was made that "thank goodness he wasn't our problem!"
Well whose "problem" should he be? I decided at that moment that I would never tell this person if we encountered a challenge because it would only validate her opinion. Thankfully she moved away and I have no interaction with her and so it is a non issue now - but the comment stuck with me.

The second interaction was a comment on facebook when I posted something about Max being argumentative. The comment was " a child can only be as argumentative as a parent allows."
I never commented again on the topic and just moved forward but I WANTED to say - "You know, being argumentative when you are four and you have a severe brain injury has very little to do with parenting style..... etc. etc." But I didn't, and I am deciding now that I need to change.

I need to change my blogging style. I need to change my reaction (or NON-reaction) to people when I disagree. I don't need to be argumentative, but I need to stand up for what I believe. If it chases some people away and they are uncomfortable with who I am or what I say then I will need to deal with that. I am certain that I will meet or find that people I already know ARE supportive, there will be people out there who like me for who I am and less people in my life that I spend trying to "protect", who really don't support me, or believe in what I am doing, and are judgemental about how I am living my life. Are these the people I WANT around me?

HELL NO

Hopefully moving forward I will feel more freedom in blogging. Let's see where it takes us!

How to spend money

2011-08-09T16:01:00.000-06:00

I don't need any help spending money. There is ALWAYS something that needs to be done.
This month it is news on CJ's teeth.
The poor kid has bad teeth, I would say he inherited them from me but he carries none of my genetic material. Unfortunately for him, he seems to have inherited bad teeth anyway.
I have a great dental plan (which I pay great money to) because my own teeth and my spouses are in such rough shape, but I never knew I would need the insurance for CJ - especially because he is so young.
We have had both boys to the kids dentist locally and CJ needs a LOT f work. SO much that he needs to have oral surgery, so they can put him under anesthesia while they work on all of the issues in his mouth. He needs it. We need to do it. So we got the call from the dentist to schedule everything yesterday.
HELLO!
They take our insurance but we have to pay up front and be reimbursed from the insurance company.
This is pretty typical of a lot of dentists here so that news wasn't particularly surprising.... but 3500 dollars! HOLY MOLY!
That's a lot of freaking money.
Do you know how many tattoos I could get with that money?
I do!
I could get a tattoo from THIS person, or one from THIS person, or maybe even from THIS person.
For that amount of money, I could likely get inked from all three. What a dream come true THAT would be!

Oh, being a parent can be a bummer when I want tattoos and my kid needs teeth.

Letter to Cael - 36 months

2011-08-08T12:09:00.001-06:00

Dear Cael.
Wow, I cannot believe it!

You are three years old this month. The time has literally flown by. I still remember holding you in my arms the day we picked you up from the hospital. You were SO tiny - less than five pounds. It boggles my mind that you are so tall and growing up in every way.
You are becoming more and more independent which is cool, but so hard for me to let go! You don't want help getting in and out of the van at all and you are doing VERY well with your potty training. I love to do happy dances with you when you use the toilet. You love them as well - you particularly love to tell me "how" to dance, which I find immensely amusing.
You have had a love of all things related to cars for as long as I can remember. You have a matchbox car in your hand at all times. You even go to sleep with one in your hand!

You love to bath more than anyone I know. If you had your druthers you would bath four or more times a day. In fact, on many days you do take at LEAST two baths, sometimes three. You are a water baby through and through.

When Gramma was here we put up the trampoline. You spend HOURS jumping and entertaining yourself on the tramp - but sometimes you sneak Hugo on with you. You are a social butterfly and would prefer to do anything with company if you had your choice.

You bring so much joy to our home and you are such a blessing I cannot imagine my life without you. I love you my humpback whale.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Mom

CJ started riding his bike!

2011-08-05T16:00:00.001-06:00

I just got a text message from home to let me know that CJ has just got the hang of pedalling his two wheeler and he is away like a shot!

He got a bike for his birthday because he wants to be like Max in everything he does and Max is a mad man on his bike - even though he only figured it out last year. They both still have training wheels, but CJ has been "pushing" his bike behind Max as he rides in the driveway since he got the new bike a month ago on his birthday. Apparently it all came together for him today and I am so happy for him. Way to go my little humpback whale!

Technology....

2011-08-04T20:31:00.000-06:00

Hey! Look at me! I am blogging from my PHONE!

Gave up on my work phone

2011-08-04T16:08:00.001-06:00

If anyone is wondering about what happened with my phone - here is an update.
The guys in IT here at work wiped the phone and asked me not to download anything and they put a 3 G tracker on it.
I had wiped it previously but downloaded Angry Birds again so they took that off. Unfortunately the phone continued to transfer high rates of data. No-one could figure it out. It was transferring so much I would have exceeded the monthly data transfer limit and I wasn't doing ANYTHING.
The person in charge of phones for staff on campus wanted to give me back a flip phone but I chose personally not to go with that. I doubt I would have been happy going from a smart phone back to a flip phone. I decided that I didn't want any more hassles with phones and work and the pressure of worrying that data usage would go over the monthly allotment and having to pay for the extra personally - ESPECIALLY when I was not in control of what was being used or when or how.
So.... after much deliberation I went out and got a new phone. I will pay for it myself and I will do whatever I want to! I wont stress about what someone says my monthly data usage is. I won't stress about how many text messages I send (even though I had unlimited texting I was always questioned about how many texts I was sending) and I won't worry about personal use of a work phone. STRESS OVER!
Having said that ... I now have to transfer all my contact info and stuff to this new phone. Can you say "pain in the butt?"
Shel is excited because now I can sign up for games she i s playing on her iphone and she can get points! I do what I can to keep my lover happy.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-03T08:43:00.000-06:00

Mouse in the house

2011-08-02T16:36:00.000-06:00

On the list of things to do while mom was here I had "clean under the kitchen sink" and "clean out the bathroom cupboard". Mom and I did under the kitchen sink and we decided to buy a small piece of laminate to put down for water drips. The plumbing here isn't dripping - at the moment - but the boys like to "help" at the sink and so there is often water spilled that gets under the sink. We looked for laminate pieces but the place we looked only had really large pieces and so we haven't put it in yet. I still have a plan to get a small piece and glue it down.
The other goal was to clean out the bathroom cupboard. I started in on it while mom was in the kitchen. I pulled everything out from the bottom (the floor) and I was wiping all around. As I wiped around the corner, out of my view, a small mouse scurried out.

I screamed. Yes. I screamed. It was more of a shriek/scream and not a sound I am accustomed to coming from my mouth. I actually startled myself by the sound and mom came running.

Oh we laughed.

We needed to catch the thing and release it outside - we live on an acreage and there are many, many fieldmice around and usually the dogs and cats do a good job at keeping them out of the house but this one apparently got past our living traps.

Mice move FAST! Mom got a bucket to catch it in and I was assigned the role of mouse "herder". I am not good at being a mouse herder. I was laughing too hard to do any good and it moved WAY WAY fast. It managed to get away and down a hole into the basement.

I am still shocked at the fact I screamed. I wouldn't say I was afraid of mice, but when I am cleaning and a moving thing comes from where I expect no moving things I was certainly startled.

I am happy to say we have not seen hide nor hair of the creature since and I removed all toilet paper from the floor so there is nothing enticing to nest in any longer. There has also been no evidence of a mouse in the cupboard since then and the cats did bring a "catch" to us which I am hoping was the offender.

trampoline

2011-07-29T13:00:00.002-06:00

While mom was here Max did a couple of funny things.

One thing he did was to start calling me by my first name!

I think it is because mom was here and he heard her calling me by name a lot. He can't really say "Julie" so it sounded like "Goo-ey" but it was frustrating (and mildly funny) to me! He is back to calling me mom now although sometimes he still slips in a "gooey!"

The other thing he started as we were putting up the tramp was to remind us of the "rules at Cece's house".

Cece is our neighbour and she has taken the boys for respite since they were in foster care. We love her! She has a trampoline at her house and until we put up our own it was the only place Max had been on one. Cece has trampoline rules - and one of them is "Only two people on the tramp at once". In the top photo you can see Max waiting for his turn while Gramma bounces with CJ. (We were actually not finished putting everything up but they were very eager to jump so we had to stop our construction project while we had a jumping interlude.)

Max started in saying everything "was a rule at Cece's house". It started with trampoline rules - no jumping when someone is getting on, no jumping when someone is getting off, no shoes on the tramp, no toys on the tramp, and then it just started generalizing to EVERYTHING. What it boiled down to was if MAX wanted a rule - he said it was a rule at Cece's house.

Cece apparently has a LOT of rules. I tried to say "well we are at our house Max and our rule is ...." but he could not be deterred.

One afternoon mom and I went into town to run some quick errands. As we arrived home and got out of the vehicle Hugo came running over to the van barking. Hugo is a nerd and barks at everything that moves (I don't think he can see at all) and mom said to him. "Hugo, Don't bark at Gramma, That's a rule at Cece's house!" I died laughing.

One last thing I will share before signing off this epistle. We have had no proper fridge in the house for many months. We have just been using a bar fridge. We bought a proper fridge recently but when it arrived it was too large to get into the passage from the living room to the kitchen so the fridge was stuck in the living room for a few weeks. We decided when mom was here to move it into the kitchen because we needed many hands. When we moved it into the kitchen, -which involved taking off the fridge doors and removing a kitchen lower and upper cabinet and then levelling the floor ( a small indication on how something on the list like "move the fridge" turns into a major project!) we took the mini fridge out.

I had planned on taking the mini fridge to work and putting it into my office. Mom and I carried it together and put it in the back of tinkey winkey, my little truck. I don't want to exaggerate but I think the truck was parked about 25 meters from the house. We put it in the back and then went to town to run our errands. We were going to take tinkey into town but when we got in the battery was dead so we had a change of plans and took the other vehicle. When we returned from town Max had taken the mini fridge out of the back of the truck BY HIMSELF, carried it over to the house, plugged it into the outside plug which we use for winter plug in - AND he had put his hammer in the freezer!

What a kid!

our list

2011-07-28T17:02:00.000-06:00

Here is the list we made of things to do.. When we completed the item we crossed it off. If we did it more than once we put the date next to it so we could go back and know what we had done.

When we were making the list I put "build a treehouse" on the list and it was a bit of a joke. I do think that one of the next visits mom makes will include a treehouse building project though - we just have to find a tree to use in the yard!

Some of the things we decided not to do on this trip and other things we added. I laugh that we put "possibly, maybe fun" and then put dates next to it! I would like to say that we did actually have fun on more than three occasions.

Some things took longer than others, for instance we were doing a LOT of laundry. The laundry had backed up because the drier died and as we were working on catching up the washer sprung a SEVERE leak. It seemed as though every project we started required making adjustments of some kind or another. For as many projects we had there was a greater amount of adjustments made. Partially that has to do with the old house we live in, but MOSTLY it has to do with having Max and CJ around. Holy Moley do they ever require a lot of supervision.

We would be in the middle of putting something together and we would turn around and parts of it had "walked away". Putting together the trampoline is the perfect example of this. We had pieces we needed to fit together. We were bringing them all to one spot to lay them all out. As fast as we could lay them out pieces were disappearing. It took two of us to put the pieces together and the third of us to chase the boys around gathering things back. I made the mistake of putting things together but not screwing them in (step two on the list of directions) and so we had to go all the way back to step two when we reached step ten and realized we couldn't progress if the pieces weren't screwed.

I have to say the tramp was one of the best things we did - I have a few favorites - the trampoline is absolutely in my top three of the things we did. We managed to get it together (with only one small missing piece which I still have to order) and we spent a LOT of time on it.

Gramma made awesome memories with the boys jumping with them on the tramp. She is sassy though - she tries to double bounce me!

Phone frustration

2011-07-27T15:28:00.003-06:00

I am having huge issues with usage on my phone. I am on a plan that allows for 500 MG free use per month.
I don't download ANYTHING on my phone - no music, no movies, nothing. I don't watch youtube videos.
I have installed three items - Angry Birds, Angry Birds Rio and a list making app. I don't allow the boys to touch the phone and I have no games for them downloaded onto it.

In one month I "supposedly" used 9015.099 MB!

Yesterday I installed a 3G tracker to track my daily usage.

In less than 24 hours I have transferred over 18MG of info. WHILE I SLEPT last night over 7 MG was transferred.
I have wiped the phone clean TWICE and I am at a complete loss of what to do...

I know I am not a technological wizard by any stretch of the imagination but it simply does not make any sense to me - and no-one I have spoken to seems to be able to help.

I took the phone today to the IT department at work. They are going to wipe everything off the phone and reinstall the 3G tracker and we will see if that helps. After I left their office I realized that ALL MY PHOTOS from my mom's visit were on the phone and will now be wiped away. I almost cried. I have no photos anywhere else of mom's visit this time and all the projects we worked on. I also had some of her with the boys on the trampoline and those are gone also. DANG PHONE!

Mom's visit: Post one

2011-07-26T15:22:00.000-06:00

I know I am a day late and a dollar short with these posts about my mom's visit, but I want to go back because there is a lot to write about.

Mom is a ridiculously hard worker and so we sat down on day one and wrote a list of things we wanted to accomplish while she was here. We are both huge fans of lists, I particularly like crossing things off once they are done.

For the first few days of the visit I still had to go to work, so I left each morning with much chagrin. I would have preferred to be at home where the action was happening!

The first day I was working Shel took mom around the quarter and measured in the car the distance for her walk. It was exactly 9.6 km all around the quarter and the driveway is .2km, so from door to door it is exactly 10km! I did tell mom I would ride the bike while she walked but she is an early riser and I never made it. She walked every day (except Sunday) and even walked in the pouring rain and through swarming mosquitoes. One day she brought us home a dog from a neighbouring farm. Everyone was thrilled to have a visitor.

While I was at work on the first day of mom's visit she and Shel sorted and counted bags and bags of recycling. I think at the end of the day they sorted over 1400 cans and cartons to be turned in. I was able to borrow tools from the maintenance man at work and when I got home we took apart the bathroom taps and kitchen taps and fixed the drips. To be honest we fixed the drips in the tub - and I know what we did, but when I took apart the kitchen tap it was completely different and I had no idea what to do so I just put it all back together and lo and behold it stopped dripping! I DID change the way the handle turns to turn the cold water faucet on and off, (and I didn't know that I was doing it when I did it). It has taken some getting used to but it fixed the drip so I was happy!

Having mom visit makes me super happy. I knew we would get a BOATLOAD accomplished.

A letter from Canadian Tire

2011-07-25T13:30:00.000-06:00

I was so frustrated with my experience at Canadian Tire that I contacted the customer service department with a letter.
They responded to me with this comment, "We are sorry to learn about your dissatisfaction with Canadian Tire."
Well that was sure big of them!
Not a "Sorry that the product was not available even though it was advertised on sale and in stock," or a "Sorry that our staff are idiots" (even though I didn't exactly expect that as a response.)
The thing about saying "Sorry about your dissatisfaction" is that it does not accept responsibility at ALL for the role the store played in my experience.
I guess it further frustrates me with the corporation and my experience there.
Jerks.

Why Canadian Tire Frustrates Me and should be closed on holidays!

2011-07-18T15:12:00.000-06:00

I believe that with few exceptions, ALL stores should be closed on Federal Holidays.

Why do I believe this?

It is very difficult as an employer to staff these days. People make plans to be doing things away from work on days that are federal holidays. They should. Holidays exist for a reason.

I know as a parent that there are some things unexpectedly that happen on holidays - like broken bones from trampoline accidents where we require services provided by emergency providers and pharmacies and I appreciate their availability at all times. However, stores like Canadian Tire, The Brick, Walmart and so on should shut their doors for 24 hours and send everyone home.

What they do instead is advertise special "holiday sales", open the doors to customers, but because they have a problem staffing the day, they operate on a skeleton staff that provides less than satisfactory customer service.

I know I am partly to blame for these stores opening, because I enjoy taking advantage of the sales, and so I go. I should clarify that. I USED to go. I will never go again, and hopefully others will also stop shopping on these days thus making it a waste of money for chains to open.

We had the WORST customer service experience EVER at Canadian Tire (a store I generally REALLY like - because you can give like Santa and Save like Scrooge) in Peace River.

My spouse and I have been looking for a locking cabinet for our kitchen. Our house is DESPERATELY short of storage, the kitchen specifically, and we need locking cabinets to keep the boys out. We have been looking for ages and we finally decided that a cabinet make from metal, typically designed for a garage, is exactly what we need. We got a flier from Canadian Tire advertising a sale on a Mastercraft Cabinet that suited our needs EXACTLY and was on sale beginning on July 1st. (Canada Day)

We checked online that the product was available in Peace River Store and we called the store to check the hours of operation. The product was in stock and the store was open. So we went to get it. We drove. A LONG TIME. The sole purpose of the trip was to get this cabinet so we could proceed with other projects over the weekend.
When we arrived at the store there were three employees working. One was at the customer service desk and was also acting as checker. One was in the paint section and there was one other employee present. We arrived in the store at the same time as another woman who was carrying her used weed eater. She asked at customer service for an employee by name and was directed to the paint section of the store. We asked at the same place for the metal cabinet by name, and with the flier and were also directed to the paint section.
When we got to the paint section the lady with the weed eater was being assisted by one staff member. She was describing a problem with the machine and he was taking it apart and trying to fix it. I don't know anything about warranty or arrangements she had with the store to fix her broken weed-eater. I thought it was interesting though. I didn't know Canadian tire fixed things, but I am sure the lady was appreciative.
I spoke to the other staff member and asked about the cabinet. She was uncertain of the availability of the item and needed to talk to the staff who was fixing the weedeater. She asked him where the shelving was. We stood. And stood. And stood all the while the guy was taking apart the weedeater and completely ignoring us! I was becoming more irritated by the minute. I could see he as busy obviously. He WAS helping someone who arrived before we did. But all we needed from him was a verbal response and he was not even acknowledging our existence. We finally stopped just standing there and walked up and down the aisles looking to see if the shelf was on display anywhere. We couldn't find it. We returned. We waited some more. He finally said that the shelves were buried in the back and they were not available until Monday (it was Friday) because there was no-one to operate the machinery to get them out. I explained to him that it was advertised in the flier and showed as available on the internet and that we had driven a long way to come and pick it up. He said it was not his fault there was no-one there to get it. All the while he never looked at me once, and continued to take apart this used weedeater. By this time I was REALLY frustrated.
I asked him for his name and he refused to give it to me. I asked the girl at the counter if she had a phone number I could call, and she gave me her name and a card with the phone number of the store.
We went to the customer service counter at the front of the store and said we would like to make a complaint and she said she was not able to take a complaint from us at that time because she was not the person who regularly worked behind the counter and so she had no way to "process" a complaint. We asked if there was a number we could call for a corporate headquarters and she said she had no idea and had no way to find out that information for us. FOR REAL!

We left the store.

We called on Monday and asked if the shelf was available because we didn't want to drive all that way again if it wasn't. We were told it would be ready for us in one hour. We returned to the store. THE SAME THREE PEOPLE WERE IN THE STORE WORKING. The man who said he couldn't help us was the one who wheeled the cabinet out. I was so incredibly choked I can't even express it. The SAME people who could not help us were the exact same people working when they were able to help us! What is that about?

As far as I am concerned the store should be closed on a holiday if the staff can't provide for customers the items they have advertised. The staff - with the exception of the paint section young lady - were VERY unhelpful and downright rude. If it were possible for me to have purchased this item without travelling over 3 hours to the next closest store I would not have returned to this location and I will avoid it at all costs from now on.

Gone so long

2011-07-18T09:33:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I have been gone for so long.
Fortunately (and a bit unfortunately) life seems to be back to semi-normal and I have an internet connection again so I can start posting once more.
My mom was with us for two weeks and we worked insanely hard and accomplished RIDICULOUS amounts of things which I will write more about later.
After mom left the rain arrived and it seems as though the rain hasn't stopped since - which matches my mood. I miss living closer to family and I always seem to have a "post family visit depression" after family visits end. This one hit me particularly hard for some reason.
Anyway. Back to "normal" - whatever that means!

Mom is here! Things we have accomplished part one

2011-06-30T12:03:00.000-06:00

My mom is here for about three weeks. I am so happy.

When I grew up we lived in a small town and I had two sets of grandparents, great grandparents, and aunts and uncles all in the same community. I spent weekends with grandparents, hung out with uncles and aunts and played with cousins. I loved it.

There are five kids in my family and four of us currently live in Canada, one in the USA, but we are still so far apart that we see one another rarely. We have kids around the same ages but they really don't know one another well. My parents have been living overseas for a number of years.

My mom has returned to Canada now and I am excited for many reasons, primarily because my kids will have a better opportunity to get to know her than they would have otherwise.

She arrived this week (my camera is not working and I am SOOO sad about that, but we will figure something out). She is an insanely hard worker and we have already contemplated the "projects" we will be working on.

Yesterday we (I say "we" loosely - I only did one thing on the list) sorted and counted over 1400 cans and bottles for recycling which I brought into town today in the truck. Mom mowed the lawn (we have a LOT of lawn and it was completely overgrown because the mower was broken and then we had two weeks of constant rain) and then when I got home from work I fixed the dripping taps in the bathroom tub.

This morning before I left for work mom wanted to know what projects she needed to be working on today and so we sat at the kitchen table and made a long list of all the things we want to do while she is here. We both LOVE lists. We both LOVE to check things off the lists and we LOVE the "before" and "after" of projects - so we really need to get the camera into working order!

Shel would like her to visit more than once a year for all the things we get accomplished!

Mom put the list on the wall and then laughed when I added "build a treehouse". She thought I was joking.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-29T11:28:00.000-06:00

When someone comments on your blog...

2011-06-29T08:57:00.001-06:00

In 2008 I posted a short blog about synchronized swimming and the olympics. This week someone commented on my post. I will copy here both the blog post and the comment:

Here is my post from 2008:

The 2008 Olympics started today. I love the Olympics. I love to watch a lot of sports, and I particularly enjoy watching the Olympics. Some of the sports I take more pleasure in watching and I honestly don't watch them all. One sport which makes me laugh is synchronized swimming. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the athleticism of these ladies (why are they always ladies?)

I once went to deep water aqua size and I had an asthma attack, swallowed water and almost drowned "WITH" a floatation device on trying to kick and lift my shoulders above the water. I know these swimmers are athletes. I laugh though because really - the glitter and noseplugs?

Here is the comment posted this week:

1. noseclips are necessary. how about you go and try to flip upside down in the water, see how fun getting it up your nose is for you. 2) ....? how does glitter make an incredibly difficult sport "funny". is it "funny" to you that these girls work their asses of? is it "funny" that they sacrifice all the normal pleasures of life to train? is it "funny" that, even while performing these incredibly difficult, taxing movements, they have the sheer control and willpower to keep a smile on their face and their eyes open to maintain the entertainment factor of the sport (because nobody wants to see gasping, grimacing swimmers)? i don't think it's funny, and moreover, i think it is highly ignorant and downright disrespectful of you to mock what these girls have given everything for just because their outfits sparkle and they put on a smile for spectators such as yourself. not so funny.

I don't know about you but I thought the reaction was a bit over the top. I certainly believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however I thought my posting was pretty clear that I recognized the athleticism of the swimmers. I didn't think what I said was disrespectful and I stand by it - I remain amused by the whole event. Is being amused disrespectful? Has anyone else ever had a reaction to a post that you thought was "over the top"?

How do you react to them?

I think it's gonna rain today

2011-06-24T13:19:00.000-06:00

It has been raining here for a few weeks. Literally. The forecast is for more rain for this weekend and next week.I don't remember rain like this, all day, all night. for days and days on end. In fact, there is a rainfall warning for us here today and tonight.
I don't mind it at all - except for the mosquitoes. I do need to mow the lawn which is growing and growing and may take a few weeks to dry out once the rain stops.
The temperature is still warm and it cools nicely at night and I know the crops need it. I just hope it doesn't rain so much that it floods everything and the farmers lose their crops.
I like rain.
The boys love the puddles and they spend a lot of time outside which means we have a lot of laundry to do and there is always mud on the floor tracked in by the dogs and the kids. Shel has them outside right now playing with water pistols. They are having a blast.
I do hope sunny days eventually arrive, but for now I am happy with the rain.

Summer

2011-06-22T16:15:00.000-06:00

It is finally summer. I am thrilled it is here but the list of things I have to do is growing by the minute.
My mom is coming to stay with us for two weeks and I am super excited. The boys are also excited. We have been talking about it for a while with the boys and yesterday Cael wanted Shel to pretend she was gramma!
Today Max spoke to her on skype for a minute. She reminded him she was coming to visit and he said " I know. Mom is cleaning the house for you!" Thanks Max. Way to keep that on the down low.

10 year anniversary

2011-06-21T16:06:00.000-06:00

Today is our 10th anniversary. My spouse sent flowers to me at work from her and the boys. They are beautiful.
YAY US!
I cannot believe it has been ten years since we stood and exchanged vows in front of family and friends at our commitment ceremony.
In a way it seems like just yesterday, and in in another way I am amazed at all we have gone through and where we are today. I know for a fact that if you had told me 10 years ago that today we would be LEGALLY MARRIED, living on an acreage in Canada with two beautiful children I would scarcely have believed you, and yet here we are.

Happy Anniversary my love.

Masterchef - and smelling food

2011-06-17T15:34:00.000-06:00

One of the judges on the television show is Chef Joe Bastianich.
Prior to this show airing I had no idea who he was and so my entire opinion of him has been based on a few hours of television viewing and editing.
One of the things he does on the show ( I can't find an image of it to share with you) is smell EVERYTHING before eating it. I have never really noticed anyone else doing this in the way he does. Not a lot of people smell their food before consuming it.
This has had me thinking. I had never really thought of smelling everything "I" ate, though it makes sense. I have on RARE occasion put something into my mouth that has been bad and had I smelled it before hand I would not have had the experience. One time in particular I opened a box of chocolate milk and drank from the carton and the milk was bad. NASTY NASTY NASTY.
So I decided to do it.
And I did it.
And I have to give one SMALL recommendation to anyone who decides to try this.
The time to decide to start smelling your food before consuming it should NOT be, I repeat, NOT BE, when you buy a hot dog from the drive through window of Dairy Queen.

Television: MasterChef

2011-06-13T16:05:00.000-06:00

One of the summer season shows that started last week was MasterChef. Shel and I were watching episode one and we laughed and laughed at the comments made by one contestant - truck driver "Albert" . He served the three chefs a sausage and alligator jambalaya, with a fried alligator medallion on the side.

He showed the judges a tattoo on his butt (then washed his hands before serving his alligator!) and he recieved an apron - meaning he can participate in the next round of cook - offs.
When asked what alligator tastes like Albert responded "toad!". Then when he was asked if there was anything he drew the line at eating he said that he would never eat possum.
I wonder why?
What has a possum ever done to Albert?
Why toad and not possum?
I hope to see more of him, he was entertaining.

Television: The Voice

2011-06-09T16:21:00.000-06:00

We have been watching this new show "The Voice".

Basically it is a show about four accomplished "artists" (Christina Aguilera, CeeLo Green, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine) who listened to auditions "blind" - without seeing who was singing - and chose based on voice alone if they wanted to have the person on their "team". They then coach their singes to compete against one another.

I think the idea is kind of cool - to judge someone based on voice alone and not on appearance, and some of the performers have impressed me.

This week at the beginning of the show, the "judges" or "coaches" came out and sang together.
(The above photo is of them performing.)

Really Christina? Really?
What the HELLFIRE are you wearing?

I'm not so naive as to think that you are out on stage representing all women. I pretty much think you are out there representing yourself. Which is great. Do your thing. Put yourself out there.
Just one small request please - next time put something on that isn't crawling up your crotch. It was gross.

I may not have even noticed your crotch except for the fact that the heels on your shoes were SO high that you couldn't stand up straight so you had to walk around with this "bent knee" thing - which pushed your crotch right into my face.

Not nice. Not nice at all. I could barely focus on the music your crotch was such a distraction - and believe me it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact I am a lesbian. There is a time and place for crotches, and primetime television is not either.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-08T19:39:00.000-06:00

Snow In June

2011-06-08T16:23:00.000-06:00

Blood - (NOT FUNNY!) and my dentist visit

2011-06-03T14:41:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite youtube videos of all time is this one: http://youtu.be/-fVDGu82FeQ

Unfortunately I can't embed it and so you will have to check out the link to see what I am talking about.
I have to agree with this boy. Blood is NOT FUNNY!

Yesterday I went to the dentist.

I have horrendous teeth which I inherited from my fathers side of the family.
I have always had bad teeth and I have never had a positive experience with a dentist. I am extremely reluctant to visit a dentist which I understand makes it worse when I do finally go because I don't go until I am in pain and hence all interactions are painful.
I think they would be anyway - but that is my bias.
I also get tired of telling dentists why I have no enamel on my teeth - the result of illness when I was young - but I feel like all I ever do is tell the story and it is tiresome to me.

SO ANYWAY.

I broke a tooth. Maybe I broke it about a month ago or more, I can't honestly remember. It was a molar and I broke it in half vertically, with the exterior of the tooth falling right off, leaving half a tooth in my mouth.
I thought it was a tooth I had previously had a root canal on, because I thought that ALL my molars have had root canals, and so I did nothing. I just figured, whatever. It's a dead tooth and I will have to pay for a new crown and I couldn't honestly be bothered making a dentist appointment for that right now.

Well I was mistaken. Although I never actually had pain IN the broken tooth, my whole face started to hurt. I thought I had bone cancer or something, Not ONLY because I am a partial hypochondriac, but because there was serious bone pain in my face.

Finally on Wednesday I was ready to pull a "castaway" and cut things out of my head with a skate blade if I couldn't have someone do something about the pain in my face. I started to take advil sometime last week for the pain. I estimate I have been taking pain killers for about 10 days. I think what actually clued me into how serious the pain in my face was, is the fact my gut hurt so bad from all the painkillers - which weren't working.

I was in a meeting at work on Wednesday morning. I could barely pay attention to the meeting I was in so much pain and I was sending Shel text messages asking her to please get me in to see a dentist. She was calling all over and having no luck at all. I was starting to feel like I was going to go insane from the pain.
She FINALLY was able to get me in to see a dentist in the next town first thing Friday morning.
I have been to see this dentist before and he is a decent dentist. I stopped going to him because he is VERY RELIGIOUS, and he acts in all these plays - always in the role of Jesus or Moses - and I was tired of being stuck in the chair listening to him rehearse his lines. I fondly refer to him as "Dr. Jesus". I didn't even care one iota that he was the only one available, I was in that much pain.

Thursday morning I drove to the dentist. I will spare you the gag-o-rific intimate details of the experience but I will say this. I was wrong. The tooth I broke had a root and I needed to choose between a root canal and an extraction. Let's see here.
Root canal.... $2500 bucks, three more dentist visits, and lets not forget - THE ROOT CANAL.
Extraction.... $200 bucks, no more visits to the dentist for this tooth in my life EVER.

Guess which one I chose?

The broken tooth has been removed.

There was excess bleeding. There was some puking of blood. There is some pain.

And so, If you have one more minute, please visit my favorite video of all time on youtube.

IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!

original song - get it right

2011-06-02T19:40:00.002-06:00

I know for some people the thought of watching Glee is as painful as pulling teeth. (getting teeth pulled is painful as I can attest to today)
Knowing that there are people out there who wouldn't normally check out Glee, but still have an appreciation for good music, I am posting this original song, written for the show, which I think is worth a listen.
Check it out!

Http://www.youtu.be/Mb7dyVtdRlg

Dang house ..... part one

2011-05-31T07:08:00.001-06:00

When we were renters I always felt like we were paying money to benefit someone else. On the other hand it was sure nice to be able to call the landlord when something went wrong and request that it be fixed.
I know of nightmare stories of renters who have trashed houses and really left the landlords in a pickle. I also know - and this has been our experience - of landlords who don't really care much about keeping the house in top shape and who are reluctant to respond when there are issues.

For instance, in the last house we rented, we had a problem with the heat. It was winter and bitterly cold and we simply could NOT get the house to warm up.

We called the landlords to let them know we were without heat. Because our rent included the cost of gas, the landlord simply told us to turn on the oven and keep it open to heat us up. Not the most ideal scenario. After many complaints finally we had someone come out and check the furnace and it was in BAD shape. There were birds nests and an old beehive and all KINDS of junk in the furnace which was not in any kind of working order.

At that time I felt as though I could not wait for the day when I was the homeowner and responsible for keeping up our own house and responding to issues as we saw fit, and in a more timely manner.

HA!

HA!

What I have found to be the reality of owning a home is completely the opposite. It has been an exercise in frustration from the outset.

To start with Shel wanted to live out of town and I wanted to live in town. One of my strongest arguments for living in town was water. Most of the houses outside of town limits have dugouts, cisterns or wells for water.

In the house we rented we had a cistern.To fill a cistern (if you don't have a water truck of your own) you must hire a water truck to deliver water. You have to gauge how much water you will be using and plan in advance to get the truck out for delivery. You don't want to pay when you have a lot of water left because the cost is the same regardless of whether you take a drop or a couple thousand gallons. ( The price increased from 60 dollars per load to over a hundred dollars per load in the time we lived in our rental house). The cost is for delivery, the water is free.

In the winter the water freezes and so it is very difficult to determine how much is in the tank because you can't see - AND you have no idea how thick the ice is.

We ran our of water once, and we had to call the landlord to come out and prime the pump for us because we had no idea what we were doing.

Another time (and this gives me chills just to think about) I opened the lid of the tank to see how much water we had. The water was frozen. I sat on the edge of the tank and pounded the ice with my feet to try and crush it so I could see how much water was in the tank. It didn't budge. I STOOD on the ice and jumped to try and break it, but it didn't break.

I discovered later that someone (probably more than one person, but at least one person locally) had died by jumping on the ice in the cistern. The ice broke away from the wall of the tank, tipped and allowed the person to fall into the water, and then went floated back to it's original position, trapping the person beneath the ice, out of sight and unbeknownst to anyone until much later.

I would not buy a house out of town if we had to haul water...

let's run

2011-05-30T19:05:00.000-06:00

"Come with me, I need to run to town quickly" I said to Max. He looked at me and responded; "Run with our legs? I will be too tired!"

We didn't run with our legs, but the day has been tiring just the same.

We rented a truck so we could take as much stuff possible to the dump in one run (which has turned into two...) but we have been going like mad since first thing this morning. A lot of the stuff we neede to take to the dump has been stuff that was left here by the people that lived here before us - or stuff that no longer works (like our dryer). We managed to get to the dump two dryers, two mattresses, couches, loveseats, and other HEAVY things! I wish I was a strong as the days I loaded trucks for UPS. I could have used some of that energy today.

The dryer we ordered a month ago arrived in town at Sears for us to pick up and I absolutely wanted it this weekend rather than next week so we had to go and pick that up before the outlet closed at one pm.

We had some friends who picked up the fridge (which we have been without now for over a year) and brought it to us because I am too cheap to pay the 70 dollar delivery charge that The Brick wanted to drop it off for us.

We mowed the lawn, we pruned some trees, we cleaned out the playhouse - (well it has never been a playhouse, but it will be after this weekend!)

To get the fridge into the house we had to unpack it on the front step and remove the front door and the jamb. We got it into the living room but once it was there we realized that the door from the living room into the hallway is smaller than the front door. This house can be SOOO frustrating. Not one thing in the whole place is built to any kind of standard. I never even thought to check the interior door widths, I knew I needed to check the front door because we couldn't get the old fridge out, but I didn't think beyond measuring the width of the front door. For now we have a fridge in the living room and it will have to do for the immediate future. We did so much today and I was shattered by the time we got the front door back on, and I was simply not prepared to start figuring out how to remove fridge doors to try and fit it through the hallway.

In the meantime on one of the trips to the dump as we came back through town Shel stopped and bought a bunch of stuff that needed to be refrigerated because she was so darn excited by the thought of having a fridge in the house after a year without one. (We have had a bar fridge but that's all). We had stuff on the counters in the kitchen that needed to be put away and I was ready to call it a night. For now the fridge is plugged in - in the living room - and we will make do with this crazy house for a few more days.

Brotherly Love

2011-05-24T16:05:00.000-06:00

The boys are 27 months apart. They sometimes, but not always, play well together.

Cael is going to be three this summer and he is asserting more and more independence (much to my chagrin).
He is more adventurous than his older brother, but less destructive.

It USED to be that Max would never go anywhere and so we always knew exactly what he was up to because he was within a few feet of us always. He took things apart, for sure, but we were always fairly aware of exactly what was being stripped to pieces.

Then along came Cael. The kid is a wanderer. He is more social and more confident than Max, but less destructive. Unfortunately he will go anywhere and now that Max has a partner in crime, Cael leads, Max follows and destroys!

Cael will go outside alone. Max will not.
Cael will play alone. Max will not.

More recently Cael has wanted to be the boss of himself and this has not gone over well with Max - who likes to be in charge of EVERYTHING. Max wants Cael to go with him, but then wants to boss him around and life has become a little more complex between them.

The other morning they were on the back porch. I thought they were there getting boots on to go outside in and thought nothing of it. They were getting along, and I have come to cherish these moments when one (or both) of them are not screaming for mothers intervention.

The next thing Cael walks into the kitchen and with arms raised says "TA DA!" - which is what he says when he has something to show off.

It took me a moment to see what it was that he was showing off...

Max has climbed into the top of the bathroom cupboard and got the electric clippers and opened Salon Maxie.

Cael was not the only one sporting a new "doo"...

The third member of the little trouble trio - Hugo - also got a haircut.

I thought the day was over.

2011-05-19T01:57:00.000-06:00

Every now and then I work a really long day. I am in charge of supervising a student function one day a week that requires me to remain at work until after midnight. Unfortunately this supervision does not mean I can neglect other duties - for instance I am on a committee right now that is under a time crunch to do a lot of work in the next few months. Committee members have committed two full days of working almost every two weeks until the project is complete. Today was one of the days where I needed to be in a meeting from 9 am but still had to supervise a student function until 1am.

LONG DAY. LONG.

I left the house this morning ( I guess yesterday already) with Max at 7:45 am. I pulled into the driveway tonight at 1 am.

I don't carry any kind of a purse so I loaded up my arms with everything I needed to bring into the house, and decided I DO need to start carrying a purse - camera, camera charger, phone, phone charger, laptop, laptop charger, wallet, work keys, car keys, e-reader - in arm load number one. I let the dogs out and kept the cats in, put the stuff onto the table, took some advil for my headache and let the dogs back in - and kept the cats in. I tiptoed upstairs so I wouldn't wake anyone - this time my arms were full with only phone and phone charger, laptop and laptop charger, drink and e-reader!

As I got to the top of the stairs I could hear the tv on in our bedroom. I chuckled to myself. I thought Shel had fallen asleep with the Disney channel on - I could hear "Little Einsteins" on the tv.

I had to just segue here for a moment and say that in the instant that I heard and identified Little Einsteins on the television I had an instant but comprehensive conversation with myself in my head - wondering when it was that I became able to identify the voices from a child's cartoon without a second thought - and did I ever think in my lifetime I would have such a skill? "I'll take animated children's television show voices for 200 please Alex....." " What is Backyardigans?"

ANYWAY.... As I walked into my room I realized that my spouse had not in fact, fallen asleep listening to The Little Einsteins playing Rachmaninoff, instead MY SON WAS AWAKE and in my bed watching television!

And I thought my day was over......

Wordless Wednesday (Slave Lake, Alberta)

2011-05-18T18:18:00.000-06:00

This image belongs to Sun Media. Link to the photo as posted on Sun Media Website by clicking on the photo.

How to salvage a day

2011-05-17T21:15:00.000-06:00

What do you do to salvage a day when it seems to have been a write off?

I had one of those days today. By the time I was finished with work I was convinced that I needed to come home, climb into bed, forget the day and just hope for a better day tomorrow.

When Iw as finished with a hellacious day of work I had one errand to run in town. Yesterday we went to a metal fabrication place and asked them if they could make us a new piece for our garden swing. Somehow over the winter we lost a hook for the swing and couldn't find a replacement anywhere. They said they could make it for us and that they would call when it was done. This afternoon I got the call that the piece was finished.I thought I would stop in and pick it up and surprise Shel by hooking the swing up tonight. So I stopped in and got it and they gave it to me free of charge. I thanked them and told them how much I appreciated it. I really was grateful for that small act of kindness and I got back into the van I wondered if this small act of kindness had maybe started to turn the tide of negativity that until this point seemed to have overwhelmed my day.

I got home and hung the swing before I even went inside, hoping it would be a nice surprise for Shel - nicer than just having me home from work!
But when I made it inside Shel had some more bad news for me and I had to remind her that tomorrow I work a double shift (meaning that she has the boys alone until after midnight).The day seems to be stuck in this vortex of negativity.

I went and sat with the boys on the swing while Shel started dinner. I sat and looked around at how perfect everything appeared to be. The sun was shining, the boys were playing together nicely, we were enoying one anothers company. The dogs were laying close by and supper was on the stove. I couldn't help but wonder how my whole world disintegrates around me when on the surface nothing changes at all. It's as though I am living two lives. I'm looking at the exterior of my life, thinking that nothing "looks" wrong, all the time wondering how thin the veneer of normalcy really is. How close would someone have to look to see that all is not well? How are Shel and I holding it all together? How do we get up and keep doing this day after day - and how long can we keep doing it until something cracks?

I thought I needed to do something to change the momentum of the day. I just couldn't be "in" it any longer.
I came into the house and took a shower and shaved my armpits. (You wouldn't think this small act could change anything, but then you have no idea how long it has been since I shaved my armpits!) After I got out of the shower I hoped that in addition to a cleaner body, maybe the act of moving might be enough to change the energy sucking vortex I was in.

We fed the boys but I still felt like I needed to get the boys into bed so I could write off the day and head to bed myself. I use sleep as an escape (I know). Unfortunately there are not enough hours in the day for me to sleep all our problems into oblivion.

The boys didn't want to come inside after supper and I was frustrated. I went outside with the intent on dragging their dirty little boy bodies inside and into the tub. When I couldn't find them in the sand pile or on the playset and I realized they were in the quonset I was mad and went storming after their busy little bodies. I went tearing into the quonset ready to ........ ( I don't know what I was ready to do. Count to ten? Haul boys inside? I'm not sure.)

Max was putting together his kite. He asked me to help him - and what could I do but join in?

We spent the next hour flying our kites.
I came in and got a kite for Cael and even got my own kite out.

Kite flying heals the soul.
It doesn't pay bills. It doesn't meet deadlines. It doesn't change the fact I have to work a double shift and massively inconvenience my spouse and my kids.

It makes the boys smile and laugh. It thrills them. It connects us to the wind, connects us to something so much bigger than we are. It makes me BREATHE.

Flying kites with my sons salvaged my day.

when to start projects

2011-05-17T21:09:00.001-06:00

I just have to say that the time to START putting together a trampoline for the very first time is NOT at six pm on a Monday night - especially when bedtime for the boys is seven pm.
Just saying.

Slave Lake Fire

2011-05-15T22:19:00.000-06:00

This photo comes from the ctv.ca website.

My thoughts tonight are with those who have evacuated their homes and those who have lost their homes in fires in Northern Alberta tonight.

My boys are asleep in their beds. My dogs are asleep on my bed.
We are all safe, we are all under one roof.

I cannot express the gratitude I feel for this blessing tonight and I pray for those who don't have the luxuries I do.

The signs people put up...

2011-05-14T00:38:00.000-06:00

On site where I work lives a maintenance person. One of the disadvantages to living on site is that he occasionally gets bothered by people after hours asking him for things unnecessarily.
(We used to live on campus and one of the reasons we were so happy to get into our own place was that there is VERY little privacy and people come at all hours of the day and night with ridiculous requests) The other night for my maintenance man it just got to be a "bit much" with people coming to his suite and asking for things after 10:30 pm.
He came and spoke to me about his concerns. I said I would speak to the offending parties but also suggested that he put up a sign on the door saying it was a private residence and please do not disturb.
Well the sign went up.
I went and looked at.
This is what the sign says in part:
"Private Residence. If you want to find out about your problems go to the office."

Oh I laughed.
I don't particularly want people coming to the office to find out about their problems!
Hopefully he won't be bothered anymore.

The things people say....

2011-05-13T20:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was in line at the grocery store on my way home from work. A lady I know "vaguely" was in line behind me. We were in a play together about 5 years ago but I have forgotten the name of the play - and the name of the lady.

ANYWAY. We smiled and said hi to one another and then she said to me "HEY! I am in charge of a fashion show this summer (for the summer games we are hosting in town) and I was wondering if you wanted to be a model?" I kind of looked at her for a minute - and in the moment of silence she added "Not all the models have to be young and beautiful!"

My response to her was "Are you saying I am neither young nor beautiful?"

She pretended not to have heard me, but the checker laughed so hard she almost wet her pants.

It was an awkward moment, but instead of being upset by it I was actually amused. I laughed.

It ranks right up there with the two other best comments that have been made to me (and I am excluding all the times I have been called "sir" in this tally).

In Singapore a taxi driver asked me how old I was and I answered, to which he responded "That's awfully young to be so fat!"

And, best of all, when I was getting my photo taken at the drugstore for my passport the lady taking the photo said to me " I can't fit your face in the permissible dimensions permitted for passports because of all your chins!"

Apparently she missed the day they taught the concept of "zoom" to their photographers.

Oh, People say some funny things.

12 of 12

2011-05-12T17:32:00.001-06:00

On the 12th of the month I try to participate in 12 of 12 - the idea comes from Chad Darnell and you can link to his site HERE to see other participants from around the world.

Here are my photos from today:

1. 8am:
Leaving for work, this is a photo of the boys sandpile in the yard. This was the best investment we have made for the boys, they spend HOURS each day here.

2. 8am
This old wagon was in the yard when we purchased the property. We like it and have kept it, there are now some baby trees growing in the shelter it has provided.

3. 11am
This is the centerpiece of the table at the staff appreciation luncheon I attended today. The centerpieces were given away as door prizes and I WON!

4. 12pm
I took some photos of my co-workers, but they are not all happy to be captured on film. Since I don't have any of their permission to post photos, I chose this one.
The person in this picture predicted that she would win awards for (in her words) "best looking employee, friendliest employee, skinniest employee, youngest employee" and others. She is checking out the program to see the list of awards and alas, none of them are on the program.

5. 5:30 pm HOME TIME!

6. 5:30 pm The trees outside of the office are finally coming into leaf.

7. SKYPE!

My mom and my niece - who live far away.

8. 6 pm

The first green showing in our garden at home.

9. 6:15 pm

After I unloaded everything from the vehicle I tried to get some pictures of the rain that was falling byt none of the photos turned out. The BBQ was the only evidence I could capture that there was water falling from the sky...

10. 7pm.
When I arrived in the bedroom - this is what I found. My boy and the dog - IN MY SPOT IN THE BED!

11. 9pm.
My brother called me to tell me there was an update for Angry Birds Rio. I tried and tried to find it but was unsuccessful. I REALLY don't want to uninstall and reinstall the whole thing to try and get the updates because I have already accidentally made that mistake before and had to start over completely. BUMMER trails. I will keep looking.

12. For my 12th photo today I have cheated a little. This was not taken on the 12th, but I love the shot so I am using it.

Firstly - this is a self portrait of my oldest boy. He LOVES the camera and he takes pictures all the time. He is good at it and so we encourage him to so it.

Secondly - this is a picture of him making "grumpy eyes". We practise a lot how to read facial expressions because it is something both boys struggle with. We make grumpy eyes and happy eyes and we have made being grumpy into something that is "acceptable", but also something that passes quickly because we turn it into a lesson about facial features and we can quickly transition into "happy". Max was trying to get a photo of his brother making grumpy eyes, but apparently settled for a self portrait. I didn't know he had taken this photo until I downloaded the pictures.

It made me smile.

I love our boys.

Thanks for the votes!

2011-05-11T18:31:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to give a huge "thank-you" to everyone who has visited and voted for me on Circle of Moms Top Twenty Five List.
I was nominated very late in the game and the voting is almost over but I have been thrilled with the support of family and friends and blog buddies.
Thanks everyone!
(and vote again today! - link on the right hand side of this page)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-11T18:30:00.000-06:00

Other Mommy

2011-05-10T15:59:00.000-06:00

Something that Shel and I discussed when we knew we wanted to be parents (very early on in our relationship) was what we thought our children should call us.

It is something I am sure all gay parents discuss. We talked about options and we came up with different ideas on what we wanted to be called but we always went back to the idea that as the kids grew they would come to call us what they wanted to call us and not necessarily what we wanted to be called.

This non-decision has led to an interesting phenomena in our house now. To our sons we have become "mommy" and "other mommy".

"Mommy" is always the mom that the kids are with and "other mommy" is the one that is away. For the most part, because I am at work, I have predominantly referred to by the boys as "other mommy".

Last month Shel took Max to a doctors appointment in the city. I stayed at home with Cael. Since then Cael has decided that I am mommy and Shel is other mommy. Apparently "other mommy" is a lower status mother than "mommy". Shel has had some difficulty with her relegation to other mommy status. I think it is a bit funny.

I have been thinking about it a bit more recently and wondering if we should try to introduce other titles for ourselves. I don't know how practical it is in the long term to have one of us be referred to as "other".

Then again, Max DID ask me this week if I was a daddy - so perhaps we need to speed up this process of naming ourselves or I may not like what my sons start to call me.